permission denied.....

This is a bit frustrating. I feel like a comic who's just come up with the best material for his act, but his agent said he couldn't use it.

I've heard of things lately that would be so enjoyable to those who read this, but I've been denied access. Just last night, the bride was telling me about something from her day. At the end of the story she quickly added, ".....and this better not end up in your blog!" Great.

While cleaning the kitchen last night, I had an old Barry Manilow CD playing in the stereo. (Face it, for all the bad publicity he's gotten over the years, the man did shape the culture with his lyrics. And no, I'm not gay because I listen to Barry Manilow. Just in case you tried to make that connection.) So a song comes on and I immediately think that it would be good background music for a popular drug that makes older couples want to sit in seperate bathtubs on a hill and watch the sunset. I'm writing the thing as I'm scrubbing the baked on chicken casserole out of a Pyrex dish. What happened when I told the bride about it? She nixed that one too.

I've gotta' get a new agent.....

overheard.....

On my way to pump more caffiene into my body Tuesday afternoon, I overheard one lady say this to another lady:

"Is it ever going to stop raining?"

I immediately started thinking about the Seattle area, and how fortunate we are here compared to them. At that time, it had been raining in Nashville for approximately 18 hours. As of this past Saturday, it had rained for 27 straight days in Seattle. During the 27 straight days of rain over the past month, over 13 inches of rain fell. And not only is it wet, but they get to deal with all the other side effects of the rain - mud slides, water cresting well about flood stage, patients being evacuated from hospitals.

People who complain about a little rain are the same ones who complained about dry conditions only a few weeks ago.....

i know her, i know her.....

While watching American Idol last night, they kept showing this girl who looked so familiar to me. Then when she went before the judges and said her name, I finally remembered her.

The young lady who wanted to be known as just "Mandisa" used to work here in Nashville. I actually hired her to sing at one of our meetings about three years ago.

Go, Mandisa.....

funny how it's not as funny.....

Every year, for several years, there were about 15-20 couples who made their annual lake trip. We were all in our mid-20's to early-30's, we had young kids, and we were all very close. The times we shared with them, not only during the lake trips but also just day-to-day, bring back some of the best memories for the bride and me.

Days on the lake went like this - the guys played golf every morning while the ladies worked on their tans; we'd have lunch together then spend the rest of the daylight hours on the water on jet skis, wave runners or ski boats; dinner would usually be something on the grill or lasagna; then we'd sit up all hours of the night playing cards and watching movies.

One year I brought a couple of movies - Jim Carrey's Ace Ventura - Pet Detective, and Pauly Shore's Son-in-Law. Of course these were movies for the guys - the ladies would obviously not appreciate or understand high-class humor like this. We watched both movies and laughed until we cried. We quoted lines from the movies for months.

I've watched Pet Detective several times since then. I've even introduced both daughters to Ace (the edited for television version), and they loved it. This past weekend I had the opportunity to watch Son-in-Law again. I'm not sure how it happened, but Pauly Shore isn't funny any more. It's the same movie, but he's now more stupid than funny in that movie. Yes, there are some funny parts, but not nearly as many as there were 13 years ago.

And it can't have anything to do with me growing older and maturing.....

strange things that happened this weekend.....

* The Colts, everyone's shoe-in for the Super Bowl, lost yesterday. Pittsburgh's defense had them rattled from the start. And Indianapolis' "liquored-up" kicker couldn't close the deal when the game was on the line.

* I worked out for about 20 minutes total on the bride's new Gazelle Power Plus and didn't drop 15 pounds. I thought that thing was supposed to work fast. May have to send it back.....

kind vs. nice.....

The father of someone I know and respect deeply always had a saying:

Be kind to everyone, because everybody's having a hard time.

People don't use the word "kind" in their everyday language any more. "Kind" has been replaced by "nice", and while the two words may be similar, their meanings vary. When I looked up "nice" I found words like pleasant, good and polite. Here are the words that define "kind": caring, sympathetic, gentle, thoughtful. Big difference, huh?

Here's a good way to look at it. You ask someone how they're doing, and after they tell you, you say something like, "Well, hope things get better. Talk to you soon!" You've just been polite or nice. Nothing wrong with that at all! But as someone once said, people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

No matter how good things are for someone, there's always some kind of struggle they're going through in their life. It may be obvious, or it could be something hidden. But showing someone kindness instead of simply being nice could make a big difference in their life.

We all have the choice to be nice or to go the extra mile and be kind.....

follow-up to yesterday.....

As we started out on our walk yesterday afternoon, the bride said that she had read my post for the day. She did point out, however, that I had left out some important information. So here's.....the rest of the story.

Apparently I've been snoring quite a bit lately. But just in my sleep, so it's not an all-the-time kind of thing. My "alleged" snoring keeps some people awake. And by some people, I'm referring to the bride. So the moment I asked if she liked her bone, she had just come back from trying to sleep on the couch in the den. Evidently my alleged snoring was so loud that it kept her from sleeping that night.

But let's take it a step further. When she got back into bed that night, she apparently roused me from my slumber causing me to ask her this question. Makes me wonder if she didn't actually wake me up.....

sleep-talking.....

I used to sleepwalk when I was younger. I don't remember many of the times that I did it. I do vaguely remember when I was about 4, I went sleepwalking and thought I was in the bathroom. Thankfully, Dad's raincoat that was hanging in the hall closet was water repellent.

When we first got married, the bride got to witness a few episodes of my wonderful talent. But I added a new twist for her - dialogue. One night I got up, went to her side of the bed, and proceeded to ask her where the gas seed was. What is gas seed? I don't have a clue, but I was sure she knew where it was and that she was hiding it from me. Another time I poured water on her head while she slept. I must have been dreaming about watering flowers or something. Yet another time I decided that all the lamps in our bedroom belonged in the kitchen - at 2:30 AM.

I haven't sleptwalked (is that even a word?) in several years. But night before last, the bride said that I asked her the following question - "Did you like your bone?" And according to her, I found this question to be quite humorous, because I immediately started laughing.

Life with me is never boring.....

1 in 5 people.....

I heard something interesting while at lunch today. In a recent survey, people were asked to give the best way to become wealthy. 20% of those surveyed said the best way to become wealthy was to win the lottery. That means if you see 5 people standing together, odds are that one of them thinks this way.

Whatever happened to working to obtain wealth? Another interesting fact is that of all the "wealthy" people in America, only 8% of them inherited their wealth. Now I didn't graduate from MIT, but if my simple math skills work here that means the other 92% DIDN'T inherit their money. Think they worked and worked hard for it?

The land of opportunity is becoming (or has already become) the land of gimme' what oughta' be mine.....

unlikely angel.....

Ashley Smith was probably the kind of person who was easily forgettable. Hooked on drugs, with a seemingly hopeless messed-up life. But about a year ago she found out that God can use people who don't have their acts together.

You've probably heard the whole story about how Ashley was able to convince Brian Nichols to turn himself in after killing 3 people in Atlanta. I was able to hear all the details as our pastor did a "Larry King style" interview with her during our morning services yesterday. (You should be able to view the whole service at www.pclive.org later on today. For some reason, they just have the opening song on there this morning. Just click on the "1-8-06" link under the Video heading.) She admits, she wasn't an angel. At one point she was a drug addict, so much of a drug addict that she lost custody of her daughter.

But things changed. She got into rehab and was making a new life for herself. Then came March 11, Brian Nichols and more prayer than she'd ever known before. Ashley said at first she felt like God was tired of her and that she was about to die. Then she said she felt that this was happening for a reason, and that everything was going to be OK. Seven hours later, Brian Nichols surrendered to police, and Ashley surrendered to God.

We don't all get second chances, but when we do we need to make the most of them. I've heard several "learned" people say that she's not the real thing. I tend to disagree, because Ashley Smith got her second (or third or fourth) chance and she's making a difference.....

good intentions.....

I've heard it said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. You know another road paved with good intentions? The road to Fatty Town.

It's about 35 and spitting snow in downtown Nashville. I decided to get out and walk downtown for lunch. My intention was to eat chicken strips at Burger King. By the time I got to my destination, not only was I freezing, but I also learned that Burger King had been closed. Gone. Vanished.

I looked across the street and there was Cheeseburger Charley's. Sure, I could have walked back up to Subway or Quizno's, but I was cold and hungry so I took the easy way out. And, yes, they did have grilled chicken sandwiches. But getting a chicken sandwich at a burger place would be like, oh I don't know, getting a cheeseburger at a Chinese restaurant.

So I got a burger (their smallest one!) and enjoyed it immensely. I did walk at quite a brisk pace on the way to the library and then from the library back to work. That should count for something.

Gonna' start eating better on Monday.....

not in college any more.....

While I hate to see the college football season end, my body is ready for a break. Tuesday night's 3-OT game kept me up until 12:30, then the national championship game had me up until 11:30. And since I get up at around 5:20 every morning, that didn't leave much time for sleep.

Texas, while they got a few calls, deserved to win. Vince Young made a believer out of me. I went into the game thinking Reggie Bush would be the difference in the game, but Young stole the spotlight from him. It was an incredible game.

On another topic, the elliptical machine has been returned to Sears. The repairman said a major component was broken, and that if it were him he would take it back and get a brand new one. The bride talked to him about the reliability of ellipticals, and he said that he repairs more of them than any other kind of exercise equipment. So we're back to the drawing board. More research.

OK, gotta' go get get some toothpicks to prop my eyelids open for the day.....

what i did on my Christmas vacation.....

I didn't try to blog once during Christmas vacation, other than the brief post on Christmas morning. Here's a synopsis of what happened during my 11 days off:

12/23
Came into work for about an hour. Shopped around Cool Springs until the theater ticket office opened so I could get tickets for the afternoon "Narnia." Great, wonderful movie. Some scenes will give you chills. Mark and Jennifer went with us, then we went back to our house for the evening.

12/24
If I remember correctly, I ran a few errands that morning, then we went to Christmas Eve service at 3:00. Very nice. Watched a movie that night.

12/25
The big day! Our poor daughters didn't get hardly anything for Christmas. My three girls surprised me with an n-scale train set! Looking forward to building a layout this coming year! Mark, Jennifer and Cole came over that afternoon, and we all played an extremely long game of Yahtzee. Hint - keep the number of players under 6 or you'll be there all day. Not that the company wasn't wonderful!



12/26
Got up that morning and did some after-Christmas shopping. Bought a new softball glove, then some train stuff at Hobby Lobby (50% off). Went to the bride's parents' house for family Christmas that night. Had a great time and ate too much.

12/27
Left for Mom's and Dad's that morning, and stopped off to see Helen and Shelby on the way. Had a nice drive up, except for going through Knoxville. Thought of mailing a nasty letter to TDOT and asking them why Knoxville is always in a mess. Never got past the thought process. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy and green beans for dinner. Again, ate too much.

12/28
Spent the most of the day at Mamaw's and had a good time there. Had dinner that evening with the Moffits. You just can't beat Christmas with family and friends. Had too much to eat at lunch and dinner. (There's a pattern developing here.....)

12/29
Dad and I spent the day driving around Kingsport and Bristol. Went by our first two houses. Ate at Pal's (chili bun, frenchie fries) for lunch. The neighborhood looked both different and the same, if that's even possible.

12/30
Drove back to Franklin. Knoxville traffic was much lighter. The girls watched a movie while the bride read a book. It was great being in East Tennessee, but just as good to be back home.

12/31
The bride and I ran some errands that morning. Picked up tickets for "Cheaper by the Dozen 2" for the late showing. I love Steve Martin, but he won't have an Oscar on his mantle for this movie later on this year. We actually stayed up to watch the ball drop. Good to see Dick Clark back, but it was hard to watch. Hope he can get back to normal soon.

1/1/06
Did the late service that morning. Came home and ate. Spent the rest of the day undecorating for Christmas. While it's necessary, I don't like it because that means Christmas is officially over. After that, while the bride and Meg were out, I completely rearranged the bonus room. I was dead tired by the time my head hit the pillow that night. I'm getting old.

1/2
Watched football most of the day. Alot of good games. The SEC didn't fare too well this bowl season. At least UT didn't lose! Put the bride's elliptical machine (surprise Christmas present!) together that afternoon. After less than 10 minutes of use, it locked up. The repair guy is supposed to come Wednesday. Disappointing, but it'll be fixed or we'll get a new one.

Here's a little tip for you - if, the night before you have to go back to work after being off for Christmas, you wonder aloud to someone "gee, I hope my work clothes still fit", you probably ate too much while you were off.....

*Please note that this is not my gut, but rather what my gut will look like if Sears doesn't fix the bride's elliptical machine.....

t minus 10 minutes.....

It's Christmas morning, 6:50 a.m. The bride is drying her hair, and Meg and Sara are doing their countdown upstairs. Though they're 15 nd 10, Christmas morning brings out the 3-year-old in both of them. And although I'm 41, I can still relate.

Excitement. Anticipation. And all those other emotions all rolled into one. Think that's how Joseph and Mary felt over 2000 years ago?

Christmas morning. Nothing like it.....

four of the best words ever.....

1 - out
2 - of
3 - the
4 - office

Yep, after today I won't be back in the office until Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006. That's like next year!
This was the Christmas card that our family sent out for 2005:

We decided to add Coach Fulmer to our list this year. Along with the card, Sara wrote him a letter. When I got in from work yesterday, the bride had me open a large cardboard envelope that we had gotten in the mail. Inside was an autographed photo of ol' Phil himself. The bride said that Sara was so excited that she was out in the driveway jumping up and down! We may have to get a frame for this one.

To all three (OK, that's stretching it a bit, probably more like two) of you who read this on a regular basis, and for anyone else who may have happened upon this site, Merry Christmas! I hope it's your best ever.....

yeah, i'm 41, but.....

I had a Circuit City gift card in my billfold that needed to be used. I got it when we played "Dirty Santa" Saturday night at Julie's house. The funny thing is that I actually took the gift card to the party, and I brought it back home with me that night.

So after getting a haircut last night, I went to Circuit City and bought this:

Yes, I know it comes on television ever year, but we missed it this year. Now we won't ever have to miss it again. The plan is to watch it together tonight.....

just one question.....

It could be that I missed the memo on this one, but since when did Dan Fogelberg's song "Same Old Lang Syne" become a Christmas song? The only thing I can figure is that it mentions "Christmas Eve" in the second line of the song, but after that it has nothing to do with Christmas. It's not that it's a bad song - it's just not a Christmas song.

I'm partial to the old, traditional Christmas songs. Give me Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" over NewSong's "Christmas Shoes" any day; Perry Como's "There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays" over any Christmas song Michael Bolton has ever done (his voice makes me cringe); and Nat King Cole's "The Christmas Song" over Celine Dion's "Happy Christmas (War is Over)." There's just something soothing to that music that seems to fit the season much better.

Like all families in the 70's, we had an 8-track player. And we had a grand total of one Christmas 8-track tape (The Living Voices' Little Drummer Boy). Sure, we had a few Christmas albums (Perry Como was my favorite), but the tape could loop and you'd never have to turn it over like an album. You would just hear the same songs over and over. (That was pretty high-tech back then!) But even though we heard the same songs over and over, thinking about the songs on that one 8-track tape brings back so many good memories.

CD's may have improved the sound quality and convenience of music, but they'll never be able to improve the memories of past Christmases.....

old friends are the best friends.....

We went to Otter Creek Saturday night to see their Christmas concert and came away from it feeling wonderful. Partly from the music, but mostly from the friends we were able to see. Getting to visit with the Lusks (both sets of Lusks!), the Thomases, the Englands and so many others was great. Even though we were just there for a little under five years, we made friends there that we'll (and I never use this word because it sounds hokey, but here goes anyway) cherish for the rest of our lives.

I guess Michael W. Smith knew what he was talking about when he wrote the song "Friends" all those years ago.....

for the turtle who has everything.....

WATERTOWN, N.Y. - Hermie the Turtle's little defective beak made meal time a struggle. Unable to close his mouth completely, the tiny 20-gram reptile's very existence was at stake.

But today, this map turtle has a new lease on life thanks to the work of two doctors who outfitted young Hermie with braces. Now, some are calling the orthodontic work a Christmas miracle.

"I've worked on animals before but nothing this small," said Dr. Peter M. Virga, a Watertown dentist who along with veterinarian Jeffrey G. Baier performed the unique procedure.

After receiving Hermie in May, zookeepers at the New York State Zoo in Watertown's Thompson Park noticed the turtle was having difficulty eating. Medical exams then showed Hermie's lower jaw growing downward.

"He may have adapted to eat like this, or he may have not made it," Baier said.

Turtles, who are toothless, use their beaks to break food down before grinding it with the plates in their mouths.

After Baier injected Hermie with two anesthetics Wednesday morning, Virga inserted four pins into the turtle's jaws, according to the Watertown Daily Times which published an account of Hermie's ordeal Thursday.

During a meeting with reporters, the doctors placed the immobile turtle, believed to be between 2 and 3 years old, on a table. As Baier held Hermie's head, Virga placed two rubber orthodontic elastics — the same kind used by children with braces — on the pins across the turtle's mouth.

While Hermie recuperates, zookeepers will remove the rubber bands once a day to allow the turtle to eat. In keeping with the spirit of Christmas, the doctors chose red and green rubber bands for Hermie's beak.

"It's very exciting and I was glad to help," said Virga, who's performed root canal surgery on dogs.
Baier's wife, Angela, the zoo's executive director, said she was thrilled such a small zoo could take part in such a rare procedure.

"Miracles happen this time of the year," she said. "Hopefully his beak will be fixed."

The good doctor and I obviously have different definitions for the word miracle.....

mature beyond her years.....

I was like most kids about this time every year when I was younger. I knew what I wanted for Christmas, and I'd cover all my bases by telling both my parents and Santa. But I took it a step further by not only itemizing my list, but by also including the prices then figuring the tax. I didn't know if Santa had tax-exemption status or not but I wasn't taking any chances. (The word you're searching for is thorough, not anal-retentive. You're welcome.)

In Sunday's message, our pastor told about a young girl in our church. She decided that she didn't want any presents this year. In fact, she's asking everyone who would normally give her a present to just give her money. I know, you're probably thinking "What a brat!", but there's more. She's asking for money because Wednesday night she's renting a limousine, and along with her father they're picking up 12 homeless men from the downtown Nashville mission. From there, they're going to Famous Dave's for ribs and barbecue. Then for two hours they're going to be driven around in the limo and look at some of the Nashville-area Christmas lights. Once they're finished, the limo will bring the men back to our church when they will spend the night out of the cold and in our warm church building.

We all sat there, around 1,500 people, with our jaws down around our navels. The pastor said he was actually a little jealous that he didn't come up with the idean himself.

They say that one person can't make a difference. To 12 homeless men in Nashville, one young lady from Franklin will make a big difference this Christmas.....

the holidays can be difficult for some.....

The bride and I went out to eat Friday night then ran a couple of errands on the way home. When we got home, we wrapped Christmas presents for about 2 hours. As I was sitting in the floor of our bonus room, surrounded by stuff wrapped and to be wrapped, I started thinking about how blessed we are as a family. We've got so much to be thankful for because we have each other.

This thought stayed with me all weekend. It's not that I don't think about this quite often, but for some reason it just kept coming back - like the thought was trying to tell me more. When I got to the office this morning and logged onto my computer, I decided to check my Juno e-mail account. As I clicked on the Internet Explorer icon, my screen was filled with Yahoo's front page. At that moment, I saw a picture of someone that made me realize what my thoughts were trying to tell me - there are less fortunate people in this world who don't have anyone to spend Christmas with. Who am I talking about? Jessica Simpson.

Think about it. She and Nick just filed for divorce, so she'll probably be all alone this year for Christmas. Plus, her movie "The Dukes of Hazzard" didn't exactly take the world by storm this summer, so she's probably pretty depressed about that. That's when it hit me - I should invite Jessica Simpson to spend the holidays with us! I think it might be one of my best ideas yet. She could spend time with us and not be depressed about her marriage breaking up or her movie tanking at the box office. She could travel to East Tennessee with us! I'll bet Chris and Landon would even welcome her with open arms when we go to see the Moffitts, because they're very compassionate people!

This could be big.....

good thing it wasn't over krispy kreme.....

HAMTRAMCK, Mich. - A police officer has been charged with using a Taser on his partner during an argument over whether they should stop for a soft drink.

Ronald Dupuis, 32, was charged Wednesday with assault and could face up to three months in jail if convicted. The six-year veteran was fired after the Nov. 3 incident.

Dupuis and partner Prema Graham began arguing after Dupuis demanded she stop their car at a store so he could buy a soft drink, according to a police report. The two then struggled over the steering wheel, and Dupuis hit her leg with his department-issued Taser, the report said. She was not seriously hurt.

Hamtramck police union lawyer Eugene Bolanowski said he expected Dupuis to hire a private lawyer.
Hamtramck is a city of 23,000 surrounded by Detroit.

no snow...yet.....

Once again, the Nashville weather forecasters tried their best to scare the public into believing the world was coming to an end because their might be some snow flurries in the area. It's hard to have snow when the temperature's in the low-40's. Could get ugly later, as it's been raining all day and it's supposed to get down to 18 tonight. Might be a bit tricky driving into work tomorrow.

Spent the day Christmas shopping with the bride, most of day at Opry Mills. Apparently it's OK for schools to take field trips at malls now. There had to be over 500 kids there today. Combine that with the busloads of retirees, and you've got yourself a pretty full mall. Nothing like attempting to swim upstream through a river of flabby-armed people with name badges that read "Claude", "Millie" and "Gert."

I'll probably be one of those flabby armed people 30 years from now.....

thoughts from last night.....

We were watching Charlie Brown's Christmas last night and a commercial came on for Welch's grape juice. Here's the way the conversation went:

Meg: Oh, I love that little girl!
Me: (sarcastically; I know, it's a stretch) You don't even know her!
Meg: Ha, ha, Dad.
Sara: I'll bet that little girl never gets zits.
Meg: Yeah, she's got smooth skin.

Now here's the difference between the way girls think and the way boys think. Girls see a little girl on TV talking about juice and start talking about her skin. A boy sees the same commercial and thinks, "Hmm, I'd like to have some juice."
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Since when did Garth Brooks and Santa become such good buddies? And do you think that Garth cries himself to sleep every night knowing he sold his soul to Wal Mart?
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Tom Petty won an AMA last night, their Century Award. I've always liked his music. He's never been what most would call a handsome man, but last night he did look a bit like someone's elderly aunt who forgot to take their daily dose of estrogen.
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I now have a UT Christmas tree in my office, compliments of Meg. Here's a shot of it:

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So with the help of the tree and being able to watch Charlie Brown's Christmas with Sara last night, Christmas is here, baby.....

less than 3 weeks away, but.....

Maybe it's just me, but it sure doesn't feel like Christmastime. Yes, the past few days have been cold enough to freeze off certain body parts, but I just haven't gotten that Christmas feeling yet. Part of the reason is that I missed my favorite Christmas show last week - Rudolph.

When I was little, Rudolph sort of "marked" the start of the Christmas season. I remember having to be home on that night just so that I wouldn't miss it when it came on. (I feel like an old man - "In my day, you couldn't use your fancy Tivo or high-falutin' video recording machines! We had to watch it when it came on or we missed it! And we liked it that way!") I also remember missing it a time or two when I was younger, and I had that same sick feeling last week. Sure, I'm 41, but when I was channel-surfing last Wednesday night and saw that Rudolph was almost over, it was sort of depressing. (I also missed the Charlie Brown Christmas show last week. But it's coming on again tomorrow night, and I made sure to set the DVR set to record it. So I've got that going for me.)

Yep, I'm needing a dose of Christmas spirit right about now. I'm starting to feel like Charlie Brown, just before Linus came out and gave his great speech on the true meaning of Christmas.....

state mottos.....

GEORGIA
A SONG IS WRITTEN ABOUT US
WE GOT THE BEST PEACHES

MONTANA
HOME OF THE UNABOMBER, RIGHT WING CRAZIES AND VERY LITTLE ELSE.

OREGON
SPOTTED OWL
IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER.

NORTH DAKOTA
WE REALLY ARE ONE OF THE FIFTY STATES. REALLY, WE'RE NOT KIDDING.

COLORADO
IF YOU DON'T SKI, DON'T BOTHER US.

CONNECTICUT
LIKE MASSACHUSETTS, ONLY THE KENNEDYS DON'T OWN IT.

MICHIGAN
WE'RE SHAPED LIKE A GLOVE, THAT MUST MEAN SOMETHING! TELL US IT MEANS SOMETHING!

WASHINGTON
WE'RE BIGGER ,WE'RE BETTER! NOT REALLY, IT RAINS TOO MUCH HERE!

WISCONSIN
WE'RE REALLY CHEESEY!

MINNESOTA
10,000 LAKES, 10,000,000,000 MOSQUITOES

WEST VIRGINIA
ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY...REALLY!

RHODE ISLAND
WE'RE NOT REALLY AN ISLAND.

IDAHO
MORE THAN JUST POTATOES. WELL,OKAY, WE'RE NOT.

HAWAII
COME, LEAVE YOUR MONEY, GO BACK HOME.

KENTUCKY
5 MILLION PEOPLE AND ONLY 15 LAST NAMES.

MISSISSIPPI
COME VISIT AND FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOUR OWN STATE.

OHIO
AT LEAST WERE NOT MICHIGAN.

WASHINGTON D.C.
WE'VE GOT ISSUES

CALIFORNIA
SI HABLA ESPANOL ?

ARKANSAS
LITERACY AIN'T EVERYTHING.

NORTH CAROLINA
TABACCO IS A VEGETABLE!

ALASKA
11,509 ESKIMOS CAN'T BE WRONG.

ALABAMA
YEP, WE GOT LECTRICITY!

MAINE
WE'RE REALLY COLD, BUT WE GOT GREAT CRABCAKES.

PENNSYLVANIA
WE GOT A BIG BELL WITH A CRACK. YEA, WE'RE # 1.

mid-week pick-me-up suggestion.....

Ever feel down about yourself? Feel like your life is terrible? I've got the perfect solution for you -watch Fox's Trading Spouses on Wednesday night! Within the first 30 minutes, you'll be on top of the world!

I'm not really sure why I'm "drawn" to this show, and even if "drawn" is the right word to use here. It's almost like a car wreck that you can't turn away from on the interstate - before you know it, you're staring.

I guess the most puzzling thing to me is why people would want to be on this show. I mean why publicize how bad you've got it? And why risk being made fun of for weeks after the show airs? For example, the crazy woman named Margarite from Louisiana - someone made a bobble head doll of her and loaded some of her outrageous sound-bites into the bobble head so that every time you bopped her head one of her stupid sayings from the show would come out. Silly? Yeah, so silly that this guy sold the bobble head for $870 on e-Bay.

No matter what your current situation in life is, there's an excellent chance you'll be feeling mighty good about yourself and your life after just one episode.....

o' what fun it is to pose.....

We finally got the picture for our Christmas card last night. We usually just take one that was made during our annual beach vacation, but since we didn't go this year we had to come up with something else.

I knew the direction we wanted to go with it, but actually getting it done is something else. I spent a few minutes rearranging the bonus room and adding a couple of things, then we got the girls upstairs to start the "photo shoot." Have you ever been told to look sad for a picture? Doesn't work. Especially when the "photographer" is the dad, the mom is the "assistant", and the kids are laughing. And sometimes the "sad" or "serious" pose looks more like "constipated." Yeah, that's what we want for the ol' Christmas card.

So after a couple dozen or so shots, I think we got what we were looking for. Not exactly, but pretty close. Besides, with models like we used, we can't go wrong.....

talk about your arranged marriages.....

RIYADH (Reuters) - Four Saudi women teaching in a remote village school have married their driver so they can live closer to work, Al-Watan newspaper said on Monday.

The newspaper said the women from Al-Baha province in south-west Saudi Arabia were impressed with the man's "good morals" and decided to marry him and live together in the village where they teach -- avoiding a tiring daily commute.

They were married in a short ceremony, and have agreed to pay the driver a share of their monthly salaries, Al-Watan said. Women are not allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia, while men can marry up to four women according to Islamic law.

Why four women? Two words - instant carpool!

you know you're in the south when.....

What you're about to read is a true story, with no embellishment on my part at all.

A guy stopped by my office yesterday, and the conversation went something like this:

Him - Hey, I got a doe Thursday morning!

Me - Great, congratulations!

Him - Yeah, I got up to go to the bathroom. I looked out the bathroom window and saw three of 'em just standing there near my fence.

Me - Do what now?

Him - Yep, I'm standing there in nothing but my Santa Claus boxers, and I look again to make sure I saw what I thought I saw. The kids were still asleep, and my wife wasn't home from her shift in the ER yet, so I went downstairs to get my crossbow. I pulled it back, then grabbed an arrow. I opened up the door to the deck real slow, then put on my wife's flip-flops so I wouldn't slip on the deck.

Me - Wait, let me get this straight. You're on the deck in your Santa boxers, your wife's flip-flops, and you're about to shoot a deer with your crossbow.

Him - Yeah, so I get out there, and they all moved about 3 steps. I thought I'd scared them off, but then they stopped. I aimed and got 'er. She took about 2 steps and dropped, and the other two took off. Then I went back inside and put on some clothes so I could go outside and get a better look.
When my wife got home and saw it strung up just past the fence, she wanted to know why I didn't just field dress the deer where I shot it. I said, "I did!" She didn't believe me at first. Then she wanted me to go outside in my boxers and her flip flops and stand beside the deer so she could take my picture. But I wouldn't let her. I'd never live that down.

Even though I'm not a hunter, the look of pride on his face made me unusually proud for him.....

10 people in one house.....

Family. To some, this word invokes bad memories. Unresolved differences. Something you run away from. To the 10 of us, family is something you run towards.

Now, would I want to live 365 days a year with the other 9 people in the same dwelling? No, because there'd probably be a killing sooner or later, and yours truly may be the one to go down. Let's face it, people can only take so much needling before they snap.

The drive up took a bit longer than normal. TDOT was working on part of I-40 that morning near Carthage, then Knoxville traffic was a a little congested, but it was the day before Thanksgiving. We had dinner with the Moffitts at Olive Garden in Johnson City, then went back to their house for a few hours. Always good to spend time with them, wish we could do it more.

Most of the long weekend revolved around being lazy and eating food. I excelled at both. (One negative note - I've found that eating lately has been less enjoyable because my clothes have appeared to shrink over the past few months.) We spent most of the day Friday at Mamaw's, eating another Thanksgiving meal. We got her Christmas decorations up before leaving.

Saturday's trip back went pretty well, no traffic delays. The bride and I listened to the UT game (finally, a win) while the girls played on the PS2, slept or watched movies. That night I got the Christmas tree up in the den. Sunday after church we met Susie's family at Buca de Beppo for lunch. We came back home, watched the Titans' game (a long-overdue win) and did a few other things around the house. I got the outside lights up before the rain came in. Tonight we'll get the tree in the den decorated, and possibly put up the tree in the bonus room.

Thinking about the many things for which I'm thankful, I thought of a new one this morning on the way to work. I'm glad I'm not someone who looks forward to going back to work after an extended long weekend. That would be a miserable existence.....

and don't you ever forget it.....

My grandmother recently lost two brothers (Hayden and Glenn) over the span of 9 days, and it's been pretty hard on her. Having family around this weekend will be good for her.

Mom was talking to one of Glenn's daughters yesterday. Rebecca said that any time she or her other brother or sister would leave their parents' house, her father would look at them and say, "I love you, and don't you ever forget it!" She said when she thinks about her father, that's the first thing she remembers.

The older I get, the more I appreciate Thanksgiving. Christmas is and always will be my favorite holiday, but Thanksgiving keeps getting more special. It seems that everyone is always so rushed during the Christmas season, while Thanksgiving is more laid back and it allows us to just be with people we love.

Sometime over the next few days, tell someone "I love you, and don't you ever forget it!" Chances are they won't ever forget it.....

hey, i'm italian.....

The bride sent me out after a few items at the grocery store on Saturday. It was probably good "medicine" for me since UT had just lost to Vanderbilt. But I will give everyone a warning - unless you absolutely HAVE TO go to the grocery store the weekend before Thanksgiving, don't. It's too crowded and everything is picked over.

For example, one of my stops was at Panera Bread where I was to pick up a couple of loaves of sourdough bread. I walked in with my list and coupon (one loaf free) and was promptly told that they were completely out of sourdough bread. Panera Bread (emphasis on the word "Bread") was out of sourdough bread. That's like McDonald's being out of hamburgers. Or Fazolli's being out of spaghetti. You get the point.

So I go to Kroger's. Sure, they have sourdough bread, 2 loaves even, but they both had mold on them. Mold. Very nice. I called the bride, and she suggested that I go to Publix to get the bread and the other two items on my list. Fair enough.

I end up at Publix. We've started coming here more often than Bi-Lo for one main reason - self-check-out's. Bi-Lo pulled their self-check-out's, so we pulled our business. So I go to the back, find two nice sliced loaves of sourdough bread and look at the other two items on my list - vanilla ice cream and parmesan cheese, the kind in the shaker.

I don't know about you, but we keep our parmesan cheese in the refrigerator. Therefore, I looked for the parmesan cheese in the refrigerated section near the other cheeses. My logic is that cheese is cheese, and they'll ALL be together. I looked beside the mozzarella, the cheddar, the swiss, but there's no parmesan. I did find some expensive kind, actually a 3-cheese mix, in another section, but I knew I just wanted the regular Kraft in the shaker. In desparation, I did what most men hate to do - I asked for help.

Lois seemed nice enough, and was eager to help. "Sure, let me show you!" I followed Lois to the expensive 3-cheese mix.

"Actually, I did see that, but I was looking for the plain kind in the shaker."

Lois then handed me a block of parmesan cheese, sans shaker. "Oh, then this is what you want."

"No, I want the plain kind already in the shaker. I don't want to grate it." (The whole time I'm thinking 'what part of shaker did you not understand?')

"You don't want that, it has toO many other additives and preservatives."

"Yes, I really do want that kind."

She then turned to me as if she was about to bestow upon me some great measure of profundity and said, "Hey, I'm Italian, and I know parmesan cheese."

To which I replied, "Hey, I'm married and I know what my wife told me to get. So if you'll just point me in the direction of the Kraft brand, that'll be great."

I think I stunned her with that one. A bit miffed, she told me which aisle to find the additive-laden Kraft parmesan cheese.

Much to our delight, no one at dinner that night died from ingesting any ill-advised preservatives.....

enjoy it while you can.....

While driving around at lunch today, I heard an awful lot of cocky Vanderbilt fans on the radio sports talk shows. They need to enjoy this while they can. It reminds me of a Winston Churchill quote.

A woman had accused Churchill of being drunk, to which he replied:

Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

In September, when both UT's and Vandy's football teams are 0-0, Vandy football will still be Vandy football.....

not the end of the world.....yet....

First it was the tsunami. Then came the hurricanes and the earthquake. Now, UT loses to Vanderbilt in football. If THAT doesn't convince you that we're living in the end times, I don't know what it's going to take.

Some say they're glad to see Vandy finally win, that's it's good for the rivalry. What rivalry? Tennessee had won 22 straight, there's no rivalry there! All that's there is Vandy wishing for 22 years that they could somehow, someway beat Tennessee.

Did Vandy deserve to win? Yes. Jay Cutler picked apart UT's defense the entire game. Tennessee let opportunity after opportunity slip away. Chances to score were wasted all afternoon.

But you just don't lose to Vanderbilt.

Many people, even Vol fans, don't know that UT was winless in their first 12 games to Vanderbilt. Their best effort was in 1900 when they fought to a 0-0 tie. Their first win over the Commodores was in 1914 when UT beat Vandy 16-14 and wrapped up a 9-0 season, winning their first ever title - champions of the Southern Intercollegiate Athletic Association.

But that was then, this is now. And you just don't lose to Vanderbilt.

Our junior high football coach, Jack Walling, used to fire up the student body during pep rallies by talking about PGD - pride, guts and determination. Watching Saturday's game, I'm not sure that UT had any of that going for them. Pride is certainly gone from the hill in Knoxville.

Coach Fulmer said UT has hit rock bottom. I sure do hope so, but I'm not sure. I don't know if they can get back up and win against Kentucky next weekend.....

i'm starting to need some of this myself.....

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as Pino More.

it's beginning to sound alot like christmas.....

"I HEAR PEOPLE SINGING
IT MUST BE CHRISTMASTIME "

Yes! I heard my first Christmas song on the radio yesterday! Chrissie Hyndes and The Pretenders' "2000 Miles." WOOOOOHOOOOO!

It was sometime yesterday afternoon, and I was sitting at my desk. I listen to WAPS out of Akron, Ohio, courtesy of radiotower.com. (If you've never been to this site and you like to have some background music in your office during the day, this is the place to be. Just pick your music genre, then choose from the 100's of stations. Very cool, and it's FREE!)

I tried to play some Christmas music one day last week during supper, but the bride said it was too early. Hearing this song yesterday, I may have to overrule on that decision this week.....

for every daughter's father.....

This was Dave Barry's column yesterday.....

GIRLS AND BOYS
Every school-day morning, my wife and I take our 5-year-old daughter, Sophie, to her elementary school. We go to the cafeteria, where we wait, along with many other children and their parents, for the teachers to come and take the students to their classes. It's a loud, happy, social scene, the cafeteria, and a rare chance for parents to watch their children interact with classmates.

There's a boy in Sophie's kindergarten class who clearly has a crush on Sophie. Every day when we get to the cafeteria, he comes right over and says "Hi, Sophie!" She generally ignores him; she pays attention only to her girlfriends. But the boy does not give up. The other day, he brought something to show her: It was the instructions to his father's digital watch -- one of those little booklets, written in like eight different languages, that tell you how to set the time, date, month, etc. -- the booklet you always lose 15 minutes after you buy the watch, which means if the date ever gets off, you have to throw the watch away.

When we got to the cafeteria, the boy came running up, holding out the booklet. He said, "Sophie! Look at this! It's for my father's watch!" Sophie glanced at the booklet for perhaps one millionth of a second, then went back to chatting with her girlfriends. The boy was disappointed; clearly, he had thought Sophie would be wowed by the the watch instructions.

Seeing his face, I had mixed emotions. On the one hand, as Sophie's dad, I'm glad my daughter is not easily impressed by boys. On the other hand, as a former little boy who tended to have crushes on unobtainable girls, I sympathized. My guess is that the boy is in for a lot of this sort of disappointment before he figures out how to impress girls. I personally tried humor, which allegedly is attractive to the opposite gender, but you could not prove that by my experience in grade school: I could make loud farting noises with my hands, but for whatever reason the girls managed to resist me anyway.

So farting noises and watch instructions are not what girls want. My guess is that the boy in my daughter's class will spend years trying to figure out what they do want. I wish him luck.

But not with my daughter.

i could have told you that.....

Ever see a headline in a newspaper or online and realize just how obvious it is? Here's one I saw last week:

Smarter kids may live longer: study

This one's easy to figure out without even reading the article. Here's why smarter kids live longer:

• smarter kids don't play in traffic
• smarter kids get dumber kids to do dangerous things in their place
• smarter kids don't eat things from mouse traps
• smarter kids don't hang onto the bottom of garage doors and ride them up and down while their friend pushes the button

Wait, I may have to get back to you on that last one.....

finally.....

It's hard to remember a weekend when both UT and the Titans didn't lose a game. UT finally won again, beating Memphis 20-16. The Titans didn't play, so they didn't have the opportunity to lose. Alot of people in middle Tennessee are adopting a Chicago Cubs type of an attitude - wait 'til next year.

Mom and Dad were down for the weekend, and we had a good visit with them on Friday and Saturday. We helped Devonna move on Saturday, and got everything done in just a few hours.

I did learn on Saturday that my niece, Grace, has written about a character I created for her in her journal at school. A few years ago I started calling her "Pootydoot". I don't know why, it just came out one day. Ever since then, that's been her name. Of course she says that I'm the real Pootydoot, but she's only six so what does she know? So now her teacher knows all about Pootydoot. Whether or not it's the real one, I'm not sure.....

don't be late for school.....

These were the words I used when I called the bride this morning at around 8:00.

About a month or so ago, the bride decided that she was ready to get back into the work force outside the home. She's been doing some stuff for a local financial planner, but nothing on a regular basis. So she decided that in order to be able to have a similar schedule as the girls, she would apply to be a teacher's assistant in a Franklin-area elementary school. When that didn't work out, she decided to go for an interview as a sub in the same school system. She went for the interview yesterday and it lasted about 7 minutes. About 2 hours later she called and said she already had a job subbing for a teacher's assistant on Friday. Not only is it what she wants to eventually do, but it's at Sara's old school, so she knows almost all the teachers there. Good starting situation for her to ease into the job.

As Sara was leaving for the bus this morning, she told the bride how to do a portion of her job. As she walked out the door, Sara told the bride, "Have a good day at school, sweetie!" I just hope she doesn't start hanging with the wrong crowd on the playground.....

priorities.....

Sara went to her best friend's (Amanda) birthday party yesterday. It was a shopping birthday party. She wanted to go shopping at the mall with her friends. So each child was armed with $15 (and any other cash they might have sneaked out of the house) and went shopping.

One of Sara's purchases was at Candy Craze, the bulk-candy store in the mall. You know the one - bins and bins of different ridiculously overpriced candy. She came out of there with $8 worth - over half of her $15. The bride commented on how small the bag of candy was and Sara said, "Mom, I'd already eaten alot of it before I got home." Our dentist should love us.

I remember doing that when I was little. One of my buddies and neighbors, Stevie Keesling, and I used to save up money and go to the local Jiffy Market about a mile from our house. It was always an adventure because it wasn't in the neighborhood. 90% of the trip there was uphill, then we'd have to cut through a couple of yards to bypass the highway that fronted the store. We'd come out of there with all kinds of candy and little pop-up toys. Good times.

Now I'm 41. I'd love to take over half of my next bonus and spend it on fun stuff for the girls and me. Why not? I mean with computers and everything, is it even necessary that the girls go to college? I'll have to think on that one.....

sticky situation gets even stickier.....

DENVER (AP) -- A man who sued Home Depot last month claiming a prank left him glued to a toilet seat made a similar allegation about another restroom more than a year ago, an official told a newspaper.

Bob Dougherty's lawsuit alleges employees at the store ignored his pleas for help on the day before Halloween 2003 because they thought he was kidding.

But Ron Trzepacz, former director of operations for the town of Nederland, where Dougherty lives, told the Rocky Mountain News in Tuesday's editions that Dougherty told him in the summer of 2004 he was glued to a toilet seat in the town's visitor center but pulled himself free.

Trzepacz told the paper he inspected the bathroom and found "no indication that anything had been on the toilet seat." No police report was filed, he said.

Dougherty's lawyer, Mark Cohen, denied his client made such a claim and said Dougherty, 57, is willing to take a polygraph test.

"The allegation doesn't make any sense," Cohen told The Associated Press Tuesday.

Neither Trzepacz nor the Nederland town administrator immediately returned a call from the AP. Nederland is about 45 miles northwest of Denver.

Dougherty's lawsuit, filed Oct. 28, said officials at the store in Louisville called for an ambulance after he had been stuck for about 15 minutes. Paramedics unbolted the toilet seat, which separated from his skin, leaving abrasions, according to the suit.

The lawsuit also said Dougherty was recovering from heart bypass surgery and thought he was having a heart attack when he got stuck.

The lawsuit claims he suffered pain, humiliation and financial loss. It seeks $3 million.

"It's not about the money. I want my health back. I want to be back to normal," Dougherty said. "I want to make sure this doesn't happen to anybody ever, ever again."

old people food.....

Talk about your self-fulfilling prophecies! I mentioned moving into a nursing home yesterday, and today I'll be eating "old people" food for lunch.

Yep, I'll be lunching with about 125 retirees today. The reason I call it "old people" food? Last year, while at the same banquet, one of the retirees put his arm around me and said, "Make sure you're near a salt shaker when you sit down, Wade. Today you're eatin' old people food." He let out a hearty laugh while slapping me on the back. And it was a ripple effect all around me as all the other retirees in ear-shot started laughing. They're all a great group of people. It's like being around 125 of my grandparents all at once.

I'm actually a pretty popular guy when I'm at these retiree functions. No, it's not my great personality or my biting wit. The reason? I bring the restaurant gift cards that are given away after lunch.....

youthful utterance.....

Conversation between Sara and me last night when I reached into the entertainment center to get a couple of cd's to take to work with me:

Sara: "What's that?"

Me: "A couple of cd's that I want to take to work with me."

Sara: "Who is it?"

Me: "U2's two latest ones."

Sara: "I thought U2 was a bunch of old guys."

Me: "Uh, no, not really."

Sara: (looking at a picture of the band on the back of one of the cd's) "Yeah they are!"

I should be checking myself into a nursing home any day now.....

had a tevye-esque moment last night.....

There are pictures of the girls all over our house, all taken at various ages. But some of my favorites are the ones in the foyer, on the right, just before walking into the den. We took them at Mark's and Jennifer's house in Nashville about five years ago. I had set the mode to "sephia" on the camera, so they have this bronze/antique look to them. Meg's hair is shorter, Sara's is in braided pigtails. Both girls were missing teeth.

During a commercial of a show we were watching, I went into the kitchen. On my way back, the bride and I crossed paths. I put my arms around her and looked at the pictures on the wall. Thinking about how young the girls looked I said, "Boys call these same little girls now."

As I went back to my recliner, I started thinking that ten years from now I could be a grandfather. A very young looking grandfather, but a grandfather none the less. Not that I'm complaining. It's just that sometimes the "now" seems to contain much less time than it used to, and the "then" seems much too far away.

My personality is such that I'm almost always looking forward rather than existing in the moment. Going past those pictures last night made me think that might I need to work on that a little more.....

stuck in a moment you can't get out of.....

OK, I've known people who had been in the bathroom so long that I thought this had happened to, but.....

Man Sues After Using Glue-Covered Toilet
BOULDER, Colorado (AP) - A hardware retailer Home Depot has found itself in a sticky situation, defending a lawsuit filed by a man who claims the chain's Louisville store ignored his cries for help after he fell victim to a prank and was glued to a toilet seat.

Bob Dougherty, 57, of Nederland, said he became stuck to a bathroom toilet seat on which somebody had smeared glue on Oct. 30, 2003, and felt ``tremendous panic'' when he realized he was stuck.

"They left me there, going through all that stress,'' Dougherty told The (Boulder) Daily Camera. "They just let me rot.''

His lawsuit, filed Friday said Dougherty was recovering from heart bypass surgery at the time and thought he was having a heart attack. A store employee who heard him calling for help informed the head clerk via radio, but the head clerk "believed it to be a hoax,'' the lawsuit said.

Home Depot spokeswoman Kathryn Gallagher said she could not comment on pending litigation.

The lawsuit said after about 15 minutes, store officials called for an ambulance. Paramedics unbolted the toilet seat, and while wheeling a "frightened and humiliated'' Dougherty out of the store, he passed out.

The lawsuit said the toilet seat separated from his skin, leaving abrasions.

"This is not Home Depot's fault,'' he said. "But I am blaming them for letting me hang in there and just ignoring me.''

forgotten halloween memory.....

I must have been around 8 years old, so this would have been around 1972. Most of the yards in our neighborhood were around an acre or so, so you had to do alot more walking then to get as much candy as kids do now who live in neighborhoods with 1/4 acre lots. Dad took me and the Keesling kids around that halloween night.

We were about half way through the night, and Angie decided that her Casper mask was getting too hot to wear. Remember those plastic masks with the elastic string on the back? After about 5 minutes of breathing, you fogged up the inside of the mask so that there was a constant misty layer hitting your face from the inside of the mask. Angie had hit this point with her mask, and asked Dad to hold it for her. The four of us kids walked up the driveway on the next house, and Dad stayed behind to wait for us.

When we got back down to the bottom of the driveway, Dad had his back to us and was facing towards the woods. The first thought that crossed my mind? "Oh, this is great, Dad's taking a whiz and he's not finished yet!" All of the sudden, Dad turns around and screams with the Casper mask on. Scared us to death.

I think the four of us kids walked around with moisture running down our legs for the rest of the evening.....

halloween came and went.....

Every year since moving into our neighborhood, we convince ourselves that we'll have TONS of trick-or-treaters. So we buy plenty of candy, and we always have plenty of candy left over. That's not always a bad thing. I was able to sample quite of bit of it during the night.

I would imagine we had maybe 50-60 kids come by last night. In a neighborhood of 200+ houses, we expect more kids. But again, leftover candy is good.

On another topic, Randy Sanders made alot of Vol fans happy yesterday by stepping down. Although I'm glad to see him resign, I feel bad for the way it happened. I think the pressure of losing finally got to him. There were reports of his children being harrassed at their schools because of UT's anemic offense. I'll admit that I never cared for his play-calling, but his family should be off limits. It's a shame that some people just can't seem to separate the coach from the man.....