Tuesday, March 31, 2009

new economic plan.....

This was an article from the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on Sunday. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on " How Would You Fix the Economy? "

I thought this was the BEST idea. I think this guy nailed it!

Dear Mr. President,

Patriotic retirement:

There's about 40 million people over 50 in the work force; pay them $1 million apiece severance with three stipulations:

1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

All National financial problems fixed!!!

thanks, Chris.....

Monday, March 30, 2009

from calm to storms.....

We had a stretch of severe weather come through Middle Tennessee Saturday evening. Luckily Franklin didn't experience any damage. I took a couple of shots right before it all broke loose. The first one is looking towards the southwest, the other due west. It's amazing how diverse the sky was at that point in time.....

Friday, March 27, 2009

just keep your eye on the ball.....

Manchester Union Leader - 2/4/09

Paul Sanchez, 67, an "occasional" golfer, filed a lawsuit in Brentwood, N.H., in February against the Candia Woods Golf Links for a 2006 incident in which his approach shot hit a yard marker in the fairway, bounced back, and struck him in the eye. Sanchez claimed the course owners were negligent in placing the sign in the fairway and also should have warned him that balls would bounce off of it.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

shock of the night.....

Going into Motown Night on American Idol last night, I figured Lil' Rounds would have her "moment" and be the best. And I told the bride that Adam would struggle. I was wrong on both accounts.

My favorite of the night was Matt, but I'll have to say that Adam was a close second if not just as good. Lil' was a disappointment for me. Allison was incredible, Danny and Chris were very good.

My prediction for the bottom three - Michael, Megan and Scott. Who's going home? Could be any of those three.....

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

think i'd just get me some new keys.....

Twin Falls Times-News - 3/6/09

Once again, a man was found to have climbed into the waste tank of an outdoor
toilet, but according to a March report in the Twin Falls (Idaho) Times-News, the emergency crew seemed to accept his story that it was all a mistake and not a manifestation of perversion. Rescuers from the town of Filer, Idaho, said the man told them he was just looking for his keys that he had accidentally dropped and had been in the tank for 15 minutes before help arrived. The man declined to identify himself, and no official report was required, but after the man was hosed off by a fire truck, he "discovered" that his keys had been in his pocket all along, and he drove away.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

how to know you're getting old - way #532

Whenever you:

  • wash two vehicles
  • vacuum them out, and
  • Armour All the trim in one afternoon

and you feel like you've been drug behind a logging truck down a gravel road,

this probably indicates that you're getting old.....

Monday, March 23, 2009

opposites attract.....

The bride and I have different philosophies when it come to garage sales. She feels that garage sales can provide an additional stream of income, and that they're lots and lots of fun. I, on the other hand, feel that once you take into consideration the time put forth to make it happen, you end up making about 37 cents an hour. I'd much rather just take it all to Goodwill and be done with it. But that's me.

We participated in a garage sale on Saturday. Luckily, we didn't host it, and we
only put a couple of large items in the sale. Our next door neighbors are moving (yeah, the good ones, doggone it!) and they want to get rid of a bunch of stuff so they don't have to take it with them. I did my part to thank them for letting us put the air hockey/ping pong table and baseball backstop in the sale by promptly breaking a huge mirror they had up for sale. I'm considerate like that sometimes.

The bride and I spent a good part of our day cleaning out our garage. We had several people come over and try to shop our non-existent garage sale. Those who didn't speak English didn't understand why we had all our stuff out in the driveway but didn't want to sell it.

Later that afternoon we brought our two items back to our garage. Nobody wanted them. But about 15 minutes later, a lady came by and agreed to buy the air hockey/ping pong table. She's coming by later this afternoon to take them away.

Anybody who wants a free baseball backstop, let me know.....

Friday, March 20, 2009

nowhere to run to baby, nowhere to hide.....

Arizona Republic - 1/21/09

In Phoenix in January, Shawn Holden, 20, ran from his car rather than be detained at a traffic stop for running a red light, and officers pursued him on foot. As police were wandering around looking for Holden, a truck driver walked by, got into his truck, and drove off, running over the prostrate body of Holden, who had been hiding underneath. He was treated at a hospital and arrested.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

hand it on down.....

I grew up in a time when clothes were handed down from one family member to another. I knew that whatever my cousin Mark, who was three years older than me, was wearing would eventually end up with me. And that was fine. My sisters, just sixteen months apart, went through the same thing with each other. That's just the way it worked.

I'll be 45 this year and I'm still getting hand-me-downs. Not clothing, but iPods. Yep, I'm too cheap to buy my own, so I wait until the girls get a new one and I simply claim their old one. Last year, we bought Meg an iPod Touch and I got her old green iPod Mini. It has served its purpose over the past year.

We got Sara a Touch for her birthday this week, so I inherited her Nano. It's hot pink. I call it manly pink. Makes me feel better. But I did buy an armband case for when I run to cover up the fact that it's manly pink. Again, makes me feel better.....

what does one trillion dollars look like.....

All this talk about "stimulus packages" and "bailouts". A billion dollars. A hundred billion dollars. Eight hundred billion dollars. One TRILLION dollars...

What does that look like? I mean, these various numbers are tossed around like so many doggie treats, so I thought I'd take Google Sketchup out for a test drive and try to get a sense of what exactly a trillion dollars looks like.

We'll start with a $100 dollar bill. Currently the largest U.S. denomination in general circulation. Most everyone has seen them, slighty fewer have owned them. Guaranteed to make friends wherever they go.


A packet of one hundred $100 bills is less than 1/2" thick and contains $10,000. Fits in your pocket easily and is more than enough for week or two of shamefully decadent fun.


Believe it or not, this next little pile is $1 million dollars (100 packets of $10,000). You could stuff that into a grocery bag and walk around with it.

$1,000,000 (one million dollars)

While a measly $1 million looked a little unimpressive, $100 million is a little more respectable. It fits neatly on a standard pallet...

$100,000,000 (one hundred million dollars)

And $1 BILLION dollars... now we're really getting somewhere...

$1,000,000,000 (one billion dollars)

Next we'll look at ONE TRILLION dollars. This is that number we've been hearing so much about. What is a trillion dollars? Well, it's a million million. It's a thousand billion. It's a one followed by 12 zeros.

You ready for this?

It's pretty surprising.

Ladies and gentlemen... I give you $1 trillion dollars...

$1,000,000,000,000 (one trillion dollars)

(And notice those pallets are double stacked.)

So the next time you hear someone toss around the phrase "trillion dollars"... that's what they're talking about.

thanks to cathy for the link

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

would you shut up, i'm trying to concentrate.....

The Mercury (Hobart) - 12/23/08

"This adds an extra dimension people will appreciate," said Hobart, Australia, mayor Rob Valentine in December, announcing that at the annual Taste Festival later that month, performance artists would entertain in the restrooms. According to Valentine, the performers would also supply soap and towels and would "recite (a) favorite poem, or tell ... a story" while concert-goers "used the facilities."

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

life comes at you fast.....

Saturday was one of those cold, rainy, ugly days. And very laid back. I had plans of watching basketball all afternoon long. That all changed when I heard a terrible grinding noise coming from the laundry room.

I opened the lid of the washing machine and saw that the agitator wasn't moving, but the tub was full of water. I found the washer manual and saw that we'd bought the machine 9 years ago. Great, no more warranty. The bride and I went from talking about getting it fixed to buying a new one to also buying a new dryer to match. Dollar signs flashed, followed by the reminder that we'd just replaced our downstairs HVAC system. Yay.

Rather than spending the money on a new high efficiency washer and dryer, we opted to get it repaired. The good news is that if the estimate is over a certain amount, Sears will give us that much off a new washer if we buy through them. So we've got that going for us.

The good news is that the bride hasn't had to do any laundry since Saturday.....

Another PS - Today the bride is celebrating her 27th birthday. She liked 27 so much that she's going back to it this year. Tonight, since she's a St. Patrick's Day child, she wants corned beef and cabbage for dinner. Yeah, I won't be fixing that, so we'll be going out. Happy Birthday, sweet bride o' mine!

Monday, March 16, 2009

how's this for originality.....

There are days when I can't come up with anything to post that's new and original. When this happens, I look for strange and weird stuff around the web.

Last week a family member who shall remain unnamed (coughMegcough) said that they didn't like my blog whenever I didn't write about some type of life event. Well, today's post will be original.

I received the following text Wednesday night from someone who will from this point forward be known as "the poo":

How about this for some blog material.........and this is a true story just minutes old. Meg laughed so hard at the dinner table that coke and white beans almost shot out of her nose. She is still blowing her nose and trying to recover.

Parents will do anything to make their children happy.....

PS - 14 years ago today, our baby was born. Happy birthday, Sara! We love you!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

new exclusive line of barbie dolls.....

Thanks to this forward from Stephanie, Jennifer and the bride:

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie dolls, made especially for the Nashville market.

'Brentwood Barbie’ This princess Barbie is sold only at Green Hills Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, and a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

'Hendersonville Barbie'
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with the Ford
Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit.
She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation.
Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

'Gallatin Barbie'
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray
Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit.
This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash
(preferably small, untraceable bills) ...unless you are a cop, then
we don't know what you are talking about.

'Cool Springs Barbie'
This Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible, or
Hummer H2. Included are her Starbucks cup, credit card, and
country club membership. Also available for this set are
Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.
You won't be able to afford any of them.

'Ridgetop Barbie '
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans
two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and Tweety Bird tattoo
on her shoulder. Included is a six-pack of Bud Light and a Hank Jr.
CD. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt
when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and ge t
a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

'West End Barbie'

This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print
outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends.
Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.

'Springfield Barbie'
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased
beer-gutted Ken out of Ridgetop Barbie's house. Her ensemble
includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through
halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

'Vanderbilt Barbie'
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long str aight brown hair,
archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white
socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or
need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Vanderbilt Barbies and the
optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

' Bellevue Barbie'

She's perfect in every way.
We don't know where Ken is because he's always out a-'huntin'.

' Dickerson Road Barbie/Ken'
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken
by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

but i wasn't on the clock.....

Chicago Tribune - 2/15/09

Jeffrey Boyle was convicted in 2006 of setting eight fires during the time he was a lieutenant in the Chicago Fire Department and is serving a six-year sentence. But in January, he filed a lawsuit against the department demanding his pension, of about $50,000 a year, on the grounds that he was off duty during the time he set the fires.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

new level of nasty.....

I had a dentist appointment yesterday afternoon. I left there with a taste in my mouth that was like none other I'd ever experienced.

First they did the oral cancer screening. Have you had this done? It's a vinegar-based rinse that you have to swish around in your mouth for 30 seconds. They try to disguise the taste by adding some kind of berry flavoring. It was like gargling Italian dressing with a spoonful of raspberry smoothie. Lovely.

Then came the cleaning. I still have the vinegar taste in my mouth, now comes the fresh spearmint. Now I've got a vinegar/berry/spearmint combination working. Awesome.

Last came the sealant. I've always thought it tasted like Carefree bubble gum. Not an offensive taste at all. But when mixed with vinegar, berry and spearmint, it's enough to make one gag. And the worst part of the sealant is that it leaves a semi-thick film on your teeth, and you can't brush your teeth for 6 hours. By 7:00 last night, my mouth felt like I'd been eating out of an open dumpster in the middle of August after a rainstorm. (This is not a comment on the bride's cooking; last night's supper was wonderful!)

So I've got 6 months before I have to deal with that sensation again.....

Monday, March 09, 2009

yeah, let's put those back on.....

Cape Cod Times - 2/11/09

Allahmanamjad Barbel, 21, sought help in February at the police station in Barnstable, Mass., after his sister playfully put handcuffs on him at a birthday party and couldn't get them off. Police removed them and then, after running his name through the computer, discovered several outstanding warrants and immediately re-cuffed him.

Friday, March 06, 2009

ta-ta, tatiana.....

Top Three Things Tatiana Del Toro Learned on American Idol
  1. Begging for a spot on the show only works so long
  2. Maybe I should have learned a new song in English
  3. Ryan Seacrest may be a pervert

Thursday, March 05, 2009

game 1, 2009.....

Sunset Middle School has a really good softball team. One of the parents from our team said this would be the best team we'd face all season. We gave up 5 quick runs in the first and lost 8-1. Sara scored a run and played a great game at shortstop, including an unassisted double-play. I was extremely proud of her.

I got a few shots in during the game. This was my favorite one.....

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

could it be magic.....

Associated Press, WELLINGTON, New Zealand - 3/3/09

It'll be Barry Manilow versus the mall rats. The New Zealand city of Christchurch hopes that putting the American crooner's smooth and gentle tones into the mix of music to be broadcast through the central mall district can pacify unruly teens who congregate there_ or at least convince them to go elsewhere.

"The intention is to change the environment in a positive way ... so nobody feels threatened or intimidated," Central City Business Association manager Paul Lonsdale told The Associated Press. "I did not say Barry Manilow is a weapon of mass destruction."

A group of several dozen young people regularly spread rubbish, spray graffiti, get intoxicated, use drugs, swear and intimidate patrons at the outdoor mall, he said.

The city council, police and local property owners covering 410 businesses agree that "nice, easy listening" music like Manilow's "Can't Smile Without You," "Mandy" and other hits might change the behavior of loitering teens.

But one 16-year-old told The Press newspaper that unfashionable music wouldn't deter them.

"We would just bring a stereo and play it louder," Emma Belcher said.

Lonsdale countered that the city would then hit them with anti-noise laws.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

a public service announcement from the ofit.....

Dear Residents of Counties South of Franklin Who Travel I-65 South During Evening Rush Hour,

See the sign on your right? It's called a "speed limit sign". Say
it with me - "speed limit sign". It has a big "seven" and a big "zero". When these two numbers are bunched up close together, as they are on this sign, they make up the number "seventy". Say that with me - "seventy". Perhaps you were confusing the number "seventy" with, oh I don't know, the numbers "fifty five" or "sixty". When you confuse numbers on the interstate, especially in the afternoons when individuals are anxious to get home and spend time with their loved ones, you cause traffic to move slowly and you create something called a "bottleneck". We try to avoid bottlenecks on the interstate. If you choose to drive 55 in an area marked 70, please refrain from using any lane other than the extreme right hand lane.

If you have any questions, please ask one of the many drivers who are shaking their fists in your general direction.....

Monday, March 02, 2009

snow and back to high school.....

Apparently Winter had one more blast for us this weekend. We ended up with a couple of inches in Franklin; Meg said they got about 4-5 inches in Murfreesboro. Parts of Tennessee got over 10 inches of snow. Now they're forecasting temperatures in the 70's for this weekend. I'm ready for Spring.

The bride and I are headed back to Centennial High School tonight for a parents meeting. Sara registers for her freshman year this week. Somehow this doesn't seem right, Sara being in high school. I guess I've got about 5 months to get my brain wrapped around that one.

Both girls will have been Cougars, just like their dear old dad. Not the same school, but the same mascot. Seems like the bride's high school mascot was a silver spoon or something like that.....