Wednesday, December 31, 2008

that's just how we roll.....

Yeah, big plans for tonight. Here's an itinerary for our fun-filled New Year's Eve:

5:00 - Decide on which fine restaurant we'll eat at tonight: Ci Ci's or Pancho's

6:30 - Come home and watch a movie

6:55, 7:20, 7:45, 8:05 and 8:20 - Pause movie for pee breaks

8:45 - Talk about how long it takes us to watch a movie because of all the pee breaks

9:00 - Discuss how tired we are, how we used to go out to eat and go to see a movie on New Year's Eve, and how we don't know if we'll make it until midnight

9:15 - Watch the bride slowly fall asleep on the couch while she claims she isn't falling asleep

9:30 - Pull the blanket up on the bride, there's no need fighting it any more

9:45 - Create a spreadsheet in Excel to calculate how long it will take for me to lose the lard in my hind-quarters and gut in 2009

10:00 - Eat some junk food and add another week onto my weight loss calendar

10:50 - Gently nudge the bride to let her know that the east coast celebration is about to happen. Use ice if necessary.

11:00 - Watch that motorcycle guy try to land on that thing at the Paris in Las Vegas.

11:30 - Still waiting for the motorcycle guy to jump

11:45 - Just jump already

11:55 - Wake the bride up again to watch the delayed broadcast from New York City

12:00 - Pretend the bride's awake and give her a kiss that makes her look forward to 2009. Watch her fall back asleep as soon as my lips leave her lips.

12:15 - Wake up the bride and tell her it's time to go to bed

January 1, 2009

7:00 - Lay in bed staring at the ceiling because I can't sleep past 7:00 any more, even if I was up late the night before.....

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

an ofit by any other name.....

Most people have some sort of nickname, whether they know it or not. Years ago my nickname on a church softball team was Mo. Now I've got a new one.

My sister taught her 16-month-old that my name is thpt. Yep, thpt. Having a hard time pronouncing that name? Just stick your tongue out between your lips and blow. There.

I feel so honored.....

Monday, December 29, 2008

the bride's gag gift this year.....

I got the bride a gag gift this year. And it worked. It made her gag.

See for yourself.....

Monday, December 22, 2008

now i'm a believer.....

OK, I'll admit it. I was among the crowd of folks who said the Titans would lose to the Steelers yesterday. But they proved me wrong and I'm glad of it.

The defense put the game of their shoulders and took care of business. Smash and Dash both had touchdown runs, with Johnson's on a critical 4th-and-inches situation. Collins made the throws he needed to make.

After last week's Houston loss, I told the bride that the Titans may not win another game this year. That team couldn't go to the Super Bowl. Yesterday's Titans, however, might just win it all.....

Saturday, December 20, 2008

henpeck friday.....

The bride and I had lunch at Henpeck Market Friday. Henpeck is a great little place that's part country store/part restaurant/part gift shop. The food is out-of-this-world good. I would highly recommend the bacon bleu cheese burger. The meat & 3's are also very good.

If you live in the Nashville area, it's well worth the drive.....

Friday, December 19, 2008

even ducks are moving from middle tennessee.....

Remember the extreme drought conditions in Middle Tennessee? Fuhgeddaboudit. Seems that we've gotten rain every day for the past week. Earthworms are drowning.

They're doing construction work at the bride's school, and all of the teachers have to park in a small field next to the school. Her van looks like she's been 4-wheeling. Mud on the doors and windows. We've had it washed twice in the past week. Doesn't do too much good.

I'm ready for these few days of dry weather heading our way, even it it does mean a few nights in the teens.....

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

close call.....

You're at work. You bend over to pick up a box. You hear a rip. You reach back to assess the damage with your hand. You feel fabric, not flesh. You feel relief. You sigh.

You realize your wife was right - it's time to throw out these old boxers.....

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

list of stuff i need to do.....

So this is my last day of work until the 29th. I started to write something about an article entitled "see a woman try to pull a bus with her hair", but I thought better of it.

Here's some things I plan on doing over the next 12 days:

* Eat whatever I want. I think it's very important that I join everyone else in America as they commit to lose weight and eat more healthy food beginning January 2. But I've got to overeat in order to truly understand what eating sensibly means. You know, sort of like you can't know good unless you know bad?

* Love on my girls. Meg's home, Susie and Sara will be out of school Friday morning, so we'll all be home together.

* Eat some more. I feel that pancakes are in order. And bacon.

* Sleep. I used to hate naps. But now I know how important they are for ones well-being.

* Finish Christmas shopping. This drives the bride crazy when she thinks I'm finished shopping but then go out and buy something else. So there's that bonus. Or maybe I'm actually finished but I'm just saying I need to finish. Either way, I win. And after all, isn't winning what the holidays are all about?

* Read. I used to hate reading, too. But I've got a few books at home I'd like to read.

* Recharge the ol' blogging creativity batteries. I've been scrambling for topics lately, so I need to step away from blogging for a few days. I'll post some over the next couple of weeks, but not every day.

Merry Christmas.....

Monday, December 15, 2008

looking for a cliff.....

We moved Meg out of her apartment Saturday morning. First semester is over, and she's glad of it.

The bride said that after we had some lunch, she wanted to stop by the mall in Murfreesboro to pick something up. No problem, I thought. We'll go there and we'll come back home. Oh, how stupid I was to believe that.

I've always considered myself unusual for a member of the male species in that I like shopping. I've learned over time, however, that my definition of shopping is different from a female's definition. I like to shop this way: go to the store, find what I'm looking for, maybe look somewhere else to make sure I'm getting the best price, buy the item, come back home. Simple. But the bride and other females shop this way: go to the store/mall/shopping center, think about buying something, debate on it some more, consider how cute this would look with that, drive to another store/mall/shopping center, ponder on several other items, drive to another store/mall/shopping center, come back home and browse the Internet for more things, then think about ordering online.

We went to Stones River Mall and did some shopping. Well, they did shopping while I sat in a chair near men old enough to be my great-grandfather. They finished there and declared that we needed to go to Target. It's just across the street. But it took 15 minutes to get there. After Target and a couple of other stores, we went to The Avenues. I will jump off a cliff before I go to The Avenues again on a Saturday during the Christmas shopping season. I promise. What could be so compelling that you would want to inch your way through the parking lot, find a space, only to spend your time in stores that have such narrow aisles that you can't walk without getting stabbed by a clothes rack?

We had to go back to the mall to pick up the bride's van since we'd all been in Meg's car. Once we got back in the van, we started to head home. It took almost 40 minutes to get to the interstate, which was only about 2 miles away. I breathed a sigh of immense relief when we got on I-24.

I spent the evening swearing I'd never shop anywhere but on the Internet from now on.....

Friday, December 12, 2008

happy girls at my house.....

Picture if you will, a part-time teacher's assistant, lying in bed, reading the latest People magazine. It's about 9:45 PM. The phone rings. A smile appears on her face. Her husband asks, "Who is it?" She shushes him. Soon after, she says "YES!" She turns to her husband and says, "No school tomorrow!"

I've got some happy girls at my house this morning. Sara probably doesn't know school's out yet because she's still asleep. But she'll be happy when she wakes up.....

Thursday, December 11, 2008

here, take it, it's not mine.....

Remember the picture frame I "bought" but never paid for? I took it back on Saturday. It caused a problem.

I went to the customer service desk and told the lady what had happened. She gave me a blank stare followed by, "OK, can you say that again?" She called an associate over. I repeated the story. She called her supervisor. The supervisor then called Security to find out what she needed to do. Security said she needed to treat it as a return without the receipt. The supervisor said that if she did that, the transaction refund would be for the original price of $100. I jumped in and reminded them that I wasn't asking for a refund; all I wanted to do was return something I didn't pay for. The supervisor asked if I had any other shopping to do and I told her I did. She said to go ahead with the shopping and then come back.

I came back to the service desk about 15 minutes later. They took my address and drivers license number, then thanked me for returning the frame.

It took 4 people to take back a digital picture frame that I never got charged for. 4 people and lots of confusion. I wasn't aware of it until now, but it appears that Target is run by some sort of government entity.....

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

um, ok then.....

New York Post - 10/8/08

A woman being interviewed for jury duty on a murder case in Bronx (N.Y.) Supreme Court in October asked to be excused for the reason that she was once murdered, herself, by her husband (but had somehow been revived by a doctor). (She was dismissed from the jury, but on other grounds.)

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

they must need new members really bad.....

I've been through DeFuniak Springs, Florida on my way to Seaside. Never stopped there for anything other than a red light. But I got this in the mail yesterday:

They must really need charitable donations in DeFuniak Springs and Walton County.....

Monday, December 08, 2008

thought for the day.....

Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

Friday, December 05, 2008

home remedies that actually work.....

Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

For high blood pressure sufferers - simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. You’ll be afraid to cough.

You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the wd-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.

If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.

Thanks to Chris for today's post.....

Thursday, December 04, 2008

things that zap my Christmas spirit.....

With the cold weather here, I’m starting to get more into the Christmas season. Both trees are up as well as the outside lights. I listen to Christmas music all day courtesy of 92.9 in Nashville. But there are things that tend to get me out of the Christmas spirit really fast. Here are a few:

Any Christmas song by Celine Dion or Michael Bolton – Sorry if you’re a fan of either singer, but they both get on my nerves for different reasons. With Celine, it’s because I can’t stand to watch her perform. Any time I hear her voice, I picture her singing and I can’t turn the radio off fast enough. And I’d rather hear strange noises coming from a fat man in an adjacent men’s room stall than to have to listen to Michael Bolton sing anything.

People who brag about how much they’re spending on Christmas gifts – OK, I get it. You love your friends and family more than anyone else. You win.

Drivers that do 55 in a 70 whenever they see a state trooper that’s pulled over another driver – Come on, people. It’s not like you’re going to get extra credit for when you get caught speeding one day. I got stuck behind a lady who did this yesterday. Slowed down traffic like you wouldn't believe. May her stocking be filled with Michael Bolton CDs.

Corporate text messages – Somehow I got put on a list to receive a text messages that encourage me to visit T-Pain’s web site, his myspace page, and to buy his music. Joy.

Emails encouraging me to order special blue pills – I still think the bride put me on this distribution list. She says she didn’t, but she can be pretty sneaky at times……

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

not sure how to do this.....

Every year we try to come up with a good Christmas present for my grandmother. At 87, there’s not much that she wants or even needs. She lives alone but stays on the go with various trips during the week to the grocery store, church, the post office and Wal Mart.

We decided to buy her a digital picture frame. She doesn’t have a computer so we can’t send her the latest family pictures via email. We figured we’d get the frame and a couple of memory cards. Whenever we took new shots, we thought we’d load them onto a card and mail it to my parents. That way they could put the new card in for Mamaw and mail the old one back to us. Perfect gift.

So I got it out last night and loaded some pictures. Folks, there’s a reason why there are different prices on these digital frames. The more they cost, the better resolution on the screen. I bought what I thought was a mid-range frame. Some of the pictures made the people on screen look like they were missing teeth or an eye. Some looked like we had leprosy. I could actually draw better. After playing with it for about an hour, I decided to take it back. But there may be a problem with returning it.

I picked the frame up at Target during lunch on Monday. When I got back to the office I looked at the receipt. The cashier didn’t charge me for it. So how do you return something that you never paid for? Will they accuse me of shoplifting? Will they look at me like I’ve got three eyes when I tell them I never paid for the item I’m returning?

If you see my cell number show up on your phone, I could be calling for bail money…..

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

why beach vacations make more sense.....

Daily Mail (London) - 9/13/08

In the village of Pumaorcco, Peru, in September, a bus containing 14 British sightseers on holiday was held hostage for five hours by 50 natives wielding pickaxes and metal bars, who mistook them for personnel from a mining company that they believed were exploiting their land. The Peruvian guide finally negotiated their freedom but had to call for another bus, since the villagers completely destroyed the original.

Monday, December 01, 2008

back to reality.....

It was great being off work for a week. I got a few things done and I was able to get caught up on some rest.

The food was great all week long. I've now decided it's easier to just buy bigger pants rather than starve myself.

Good to see the Vols win out. The scenes of Fulmer after the game were stirring. Now on to the Kiffin era of football.

I'm dying to post a picture of the bride giving me a look with which I'm very familiar. But I'll use better judgment and just show you one of the girls from the weekend in Johnson City.....

Friday, November 21, 2008

ready for this one.....

So today's my last day in the office until the Monday after Thanksgiving. I've really been looking forward to the time off.

Ever notice that everything happens right before you plan to take a week off? It's been one of those weeks. I went to bed last night with so much on my mind, things I knew I had to get done before leaving. I woke up early, couldn't go back to sleep, and ended up coming in about 2 hours early. It wasn't all bad. The interstates were clear and light snow was falling. Looked great in the headlights.

I think I'll be ready for this vacation at the end of the day.....

Thursday, November 20, 2008

city government at work.....

Austin American-Statesman - 10/8/08

Residents of an Austin, Texas, neighborhood undergoing a federally mandated sewer replacement noticed that, for several weeks starting in September, the work crews would spend the first three hours of their 12-hour days digging a huge hole in the street, and the last three hours re-filling and paving over it (repeating the process each day). The 20-by-20-by-20-foot hole in Monroe Street was too big to be covered with metal plates, and the city's "policy" of minimal traffic disruption required repaving for nighttime use, at least doubling the cost of the work.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

different format, same thing.....

Christmas is just a few weeks away, and that means we get an updated Christmas gift list from Sara at least weekly. She'll usually come into whatever room the bride and I are in, smiling from ear to ear, and hand it to us without saying a word. Then it goes up on the refrigerator.

The list isn't your standard list. It's just pictures of the things she wants that she's downloaded from Safari and pasted in Word. A digital camera. Some green Chuck Taylors. And a few other things I can't remember.

I guess she comes by this naturally. I did the same thing growing up. Except without the use of a computer. I remember taking notebook paper, a pencil, the JC Penney and Sears catalogs, and laying in the floor to make out my list. (I remember asking for an OJ Simpson poster one year. Who knew back then, huh?) I knew about what Santa's budget was, so I was sure to stay under that amount. And to help him out even more, I figured the tax and wrote the full price out on my list. Just doing my part to speed things up, that's all.

The things our kids inherit from us.....

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

someday to today.....

A few months ago, our church did a series based on the song "Live Like You Were Dying". Michael Neale, our worship arts pastor, co-wrote a song during that time called "Someday". I won't be surprised if it's on the radio sometime soon. Great song.

The intro to the song begins at 28:40, and the song starts at about 29:18 when you click on the 11-16-08 video
right here.....

Monday, November 17, 2008

they just keep going and going and going.....

I just about gave up on the Titans at halftime. Their defense almost looked confused. Their offense was practically non-existent. And their play-calling was horrendous.

But they came to life during the last 30 minutes of the game. And they looked like an undefeated team was supposed to look.

One of the things that makes this team so good is their ability to make adjustments at halftime. That's a major component of a winner.

Looking forward to Bret and the Jets this weekend.....

Friday, November 14, 2008

Thursday, November 13, 2008

the other, other, other white meat.....

Chicago Tribune - 10/15/08

In September, despite an increasing chorus of complaints, Peruvians celebrated the annual Gastronomic Festival of the Cat in a village just south of Lima, serving a variety of feline delicacies (fried cat strips, cat stew, grilled cat with spicy huacatay). For the most part, according to a Chicago Tribune report, the dishes are made with specially bred cats rather than street prowlers, and are consumed for their health benefits, though centuries-old tradition is the likeliest explanation. Said one Peruvian, such cultural events "are our roots and can't be forgotten."

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

in case you ever want to feel really dumb.....

As we were finishing dinner the other night, the bride told me that Sara needed me to go over her math homework. My entire body clinched. Algebra.

Math always came pretty easy to me, at least the basic stuff. And I liked it. Then algebra came along and the love affair ended.

So Sara brought her 50 problems to me. I asked for the book. She said that they don't have a book. Great, budget cuts prevent books in the classroom. She did, however, have a "rule sheet" for the different types of equations. There were about 6 problems that were, I guess you could call them, hybrids. They didn't fit into any of the rule boxes. I felt as helpless as Carl "Sling Blade" Childers trying to eat french fried taters without mustard. With no math book, we went to the Internet. After about 20 minutes, we found the rule and finished the problems.

Wonder if Sara would mind me going to math class with her so I could be better prepared to help her with homework.....

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

see, this kind of thing doesn't just happen in the south.....

Post Crescent (Appleton, WI) - 9/24/08

A 38-year-old man was cited for disorderly conduct in Fond du Lac, Wis., in September after he bought a beer for his sons, ages 2 and 4, at the county fair. He could not be cited for providing alcohol to minors because, under Wisconsin law, parents are exempt, but he was written up for swearing at police.

Monday, November 10, 2008

so this is what the absolute bottom looks like.....

I never thought I'd see a Tennessee team with 7 losses in my lifetime. I may see a 9-loss Tennessee team this year. You know you're in trouble when your best player is your punter. I hate to say it, but this may very well be the worst Tennessee team ever assembled.
I can't believe I'm dreading the Vanderbilt and Kentucky games.....

Friday, November 07, 2008

i feel violated.....

According to Section 1702 of the Postal Code, it's a federal offense to open mail that belongs to someone else. Don't believe me? Here it is:

Sec. 1702. - Obstruction of correspondence
Whoever takes any letter, postal card, or package out of any post office or any authorized depository for mail matter, or from any letter or mail carrier, or which has been in any post office or authorized depository, or in the custody of any letter or mail carrier, before it has been delivered to the person to whom it was directed, with design to obstruct the correspondence, or to pry into the business or secrets of another, or opens, secretes, embezzles, or destroys the same, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than five years, or both.

Wednesday I received a piece of correspondence that contained an offer for a free pair of panties from Victoria's Secret. The bride opened it. She already had one of her own but, no, one wasn't enough. She had to take mine, too. She's selfish like that sometimes.

She brought the card to me. It had a scantily clad woman on the front. She said, "Who would carry something like this around?" I took it, looked at it, and put it in my pocket, proving that someone might keep such an object on their person. Flame shot from her eyes, puffs of steam poured from her ears. "GIVE THAT BACK TO ME RIGHT NOW!" Because I like walking without a limp I quickly handed it over.

How did she know that I wasn't going to take that card to Victoria's place and bring back a surprise for her? Why would she assume that I wouldn't want to do something like that?

I'm mad and I don't know what I'm going to do about it. No, I won't have her imprisoned because the girls need a mother. But I can tell you this much - she won't ever get another leopard-print article of clothing from me again.....

Thursday, November 06, 2008


One of my employees told me a story about her drive into work on Monday. She thought her daughter had an ear infection so she was going to bring her into work, get a few things done there, then take her to see the pediatrician later that morning. Here's how the conversation in the car went:

Daughter: "Mommy, my tummy hurts."

Mom: "It's because you haven't eaten. We'll get some breakfast when we get to work."

Daughter: "No, Mommy, it really hurts. I don't feel good."

Mom: "You're just going to have to be a big girl and wait until we get to Mommy's work."

Suddenly Barfzilla showed up. In a big way. Twice.

Daughter: "See, I told you I didn't feel good!"

On the way home, they stopped at Publix and the daughter threw up again. This mom wanted a do-over for her day.....

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

things to do today if your candidate didn't win last night.....

a. Spray paint "(candidate's name) Rulz Anywayz!" on the nearest bridge, overpass or water tower

b. Forward the latest unconfirmed, scathing email about the winning candidate to everyone in your address book without verifying its validity

c. Pray for the new guy in charge and trust God to take care of the stuff over which you only think you have control

Monday, November 03, 2008

it's for the best, but emotions are mixed.....

I got an email from Dad around 10:00 yesterday morning. ESPN was reporting that Phillip Fulmer would step down as Tennessee's head coach Monday afternoon. For the next hour or so, other emails and text messages from friends followed.

I listened to the press conference on my way home. I truly felt for Coach Fulmer. Here's a guy who invested a good portion of his life to the University of Tennessee. This isn't going to be an easy transition for him. He hinted that his coaching career may not be over, but it sure would seem odd to see him on another sidelines.

Do I think this is a good move? Absolutely. Do I wish Coach Fulmer had been able to win another national championship and then retire? Yeah, I do. But that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. The program needs new direction. Now Mike Hamilton has a huge task ahead of him. He needs to find the next "Bruce Pearl" for the football program.

Thanks for the great ride, Coach.....

sorry about that.....

The explosion you heard Saturday night around 7:00 came from my house. It was right after Fulmer put Crompton in at quarterback. The bride called me down right after I screamed. If Fulmer's trying to get fired, it appears to be working.

I won't say UT has hit a new low because the season's not over yet. That could happen with either Wyoming, Vanderbilt or Kentucky.

I turned the game off and went downstairs after Crompton's first series. Yeah, I checked in on it every now and then. But that's the first time in years that I've walked away from watching a UT game.

At least the Titans stayed undefeated. It wasn't a thing of beauty, but it was a win. The problem with the Vols is that it's not only ugly, it's almost always a loss.....

Friday, October 31, 2008

that was 25 years ago.....

The first album I ever bought with my own money was Dianna Ross Presents The Jackson 5. I listed to that album over and over and over. And over. And then a little more. Jackie, Tito, Jermaine, Marlon and Michael made music like I'd never heard before. Yeah, it was pretty much classic Motown with alot of remakes, but you have to remember something - I was born a poor white child with very little exposure to anything or anyone who wasn't white. It wasn't a choice, that's just what upper east Tennessee was like in the late 60's and early 70's.

Fast forward about 13 years to 1983. (Yes, the album debuted in late '82, but got most of its early play in '83.) Michael has turned into the King of Pop. He's as hot as anyone could be in the music industry. He comes out with Thriller, the greatest selling album of all time with over 100 million sold. (To put this into perspective, the second best selling album of all time is AC/DC's Back in Black at 42 million.) Soon after the album's release, they came out with The Making of Thriller on VHS. I couldn't afford to buy it since I was a poor white college student, but Hill's Department Store played it non-stop in their electronics department. I used to go over there a couple of times a week and watch it. As someone who has never been able to dance, I was amazed by the dancing.

The video itself debuted on MTV (back when they still played music videos) in December of 1983. I read that Michael Jackson fans and impersonators were going to meet at Madame Tussauds wax museum in New York yesterday to try to break the Guinness Book record of most people doing a simultaneous Thriller dance.

I know things are always going to change, but I sure do wish my girls could have seen Michael Jackson when he was normal.....

Thursday, October 30, 2008

thank goodness.....

These are uncertain times. But every now and then I see things that comfort me like my old blue blanket when I was little. This news was so encouraging in light of all the economic turmoil. I just had to share it with everyone:
Exxon Mobil posts biggest US quarterly profit ever

Thursday October 30, 9:00 am ET
By John Porretto, AP Business Writer
Exxon Mobil shatters own record for largest profit from operations by a US corporation
HOUSTON (AP) -- Exxon Mobil Corp., the world's largest publicly traded oil company, reported income Thursday that shattered its own record for the biggest profit from operations by a U.S. corporation, earning $14.83 billion in the third quarter.

and it's a time-saver for the burglars.....

Daily Telegraph (London) - 9/30/08

Britain's Bristol City Council warned residents in government housing in September to always leave their sheds unlocked. Otherwise, thieves would have to break the doors down to get inside, and taxpayers would be stuck with the repair bills.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

one of those things you probably only see once in life.....

New York Post - 7/29/08

A 38-year-old woman described as "very large," using the "abductor" thigh-tightening machine at the New York Sports Club in Harlem in July, failed to dismount properly, according to a witness, and was "sling-shot" off, across the room, startling other gym users. Paramedics had to use a "Stokes basket" instead of a regular stretcher to carry her out, according to the New York Post.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

yeah, that's where i am.....

I can't remember if it's a bank or an insurance company that has the ad showing people in different phases of their lives. There's a tag line that goes something like, "that's where i am". That ad's been on my mind alot lately. Here's where I am - eating anything and everything, regardless of the time of day, and exercising very little. That all adds up to a gut.

While shaving one day last week, I looked in the mirror and thought the bride had punked me by putting a carnival fun house mirror over the vanity. I did a double-take and realized there was nothing wrong with the mirror, but rather the pear-shaped person staring back at me.

So now I've got to get back to eating better and running. No Saturday morning gourmet pancakes. (Ghiradelli white chocolate and walnut this past Saturday. Almost too rich to eat, but I ate them anyway.) No more ice cream, potato chips, chex mix or graham crackers with peanut butter after dinner. Actually, none of that stuff at all for a while. No more being too tired to run at night.

Remember the movie "Airplane"? Lloyd Bridges' character, Steve McCroskey, had a line that he kept repeating, "Looks like I picked a bad week to quit drinking." Then he'd substitute "smoking", "sniffing glue", and "taking amphetamines" for "drinking" later on in the movie. As the holiday season approaches, with all of the great foods that come along with it, it looks like I picked a bad time to quit eating.....

Monday, October 27, 2008

pumpkin fest '08.....

The bride and I spent some time at Pumpkin Fest on Saturday. There were fewer vendors but just as many people.

Here are some pictures from downtown Franklin.....

Friday, October 24, 2008

two ways hgtv makes me realize i need a life.....

The bride and I watch HGTV every now and then. I didn't know just how much we watched it until a couple of things happened earlier this week. Here's how HGTV has shown me I need a life:

* A commercial came on this past weekend announcing that House Hunters International was going to be on every night this week at 9:00. People would be shopping for vacation homes in the tropics. I remembered it and said something like, "Oh, put it on HGTV!" around 9:00 the other night.

* You know you watch too much HGTV when you say something like, "Yeah, we've seen this one already. Remember? They're moving from Chicago to Portland." and you end up watching it again.

Yes, I'm boring.....

Thursday, October 23, 2008

bret michaels has some real competition here.....

Atlanta Journal-Constitution - 10/7/08

Atlanta Pentecostal preacher Thomas Weeks told the Journal-Constitution in October that he was "in talks" to create a "Survivor"-type TV reality show in which the twice-divorced evangelist navigates a field of single women and selects a winner. "Holy Hook Up: Who Will Be the Next Mrs. Weeks?" will, he said, be a "very tasteful, five-star presentation."

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

gotta' start working on my list.....

I can't remember who told me this (could have been Chris), but a few years ago when the lottery jackpot got past the $200 million mark, a radio station asked its listeners to call in and tell what they'd do if they won the money. Several said they'd quit their jobs, others said they'd help out family members. One man called and said he'd start working on his list. They inquired "What list is that?" The man replied, "The list of people I'm gonna' tell to kiss my butt!"

Well, looks like I'm going to have to start working on my list. A gentleman from South Africa sent me a lovely email yesterday. This will be the easiest $1,260,000 I've ever made. And don't try calling the number at the end of the email, I already have.....

I am the Payment Verification Committee Claims Manager here in the South Africa, there is an unclaimed fund (US$4.2M) an amount won by an international winner in the Club Lottery international program, after her first correspondence with my office, I have tried to contact her with her provided details to no success for the past months. The fund has been tag to be return to the treasury's account at the end of this year 2008 as unclaimed; I can use my power as the claims Manager to process this fund and have it transfer to you. the deal is this you will be entitled to 30% of the total fund while 70% will be for me I will secure all legal documentations required here in the South Africa to get the fund to you in your country, Please respond on receipt by email or phone call for further information.

Regards,Pumlata Cole ,Tel: +27 74 180 5109

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

something to think about.....

I saw this quote on's VolChat this past weekend. There have been plenty of "storms" lately for everyone, so this could be a good motto for us all:

Life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Monday, October 20, 2008

mission accomplished.....

So my only goal was to paint the front door over my 4-day weekend. I actually painted the shutters, too. That's right, going above and beyond. That's what I'm all about.

Thursday was a lazy, rainy day. I spent most of Friday and Saturday outside painting and working in the yard. Here's some other stuff that happened:

  • I witnessed some air mattress surfing by Sara and her friends.
  • I found out that the one thing the bride can't do without in life is some kind of Clinique makeup - not me. I won't lie to you, it hurt. But I'll get over it.
  • The bride and I took Meg to vote Saturday. She was cheered on by the people working the polls when they learned she was a first-time voter.
Time to start a new workweek.....

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

back in a few.....

My workweek ends today. Sometimes three-day weeks have a way of feeling more like five-day weeks. This one has.

I'm taking Thursday and Friday off. My biggest task will be to paint the front door. Nothing more. I'm going to be lazy and not do much of anything for the next few days. Including blogging.


Tuesday, October 14, 2008

new investment plan.....

Disclaimer: The OFIT in no way condones drinking in excess to potentailly make money.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received a $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

Monday, October 13, 2008

heritage days, rogersville.....

We had a great weekend in East Tennessee. It was good to get together with Mom's family on Saturday.

Besides spending time with family, the other highlight of our weekend was watching gas prices fall in Johnson City. When we got there Friday night, unleaded gas was $2.98. We were so excited we filled up as soon as we saw it. The next morning it was down to $2.81. That afternoon it went to $2.75.

Here are a few pictures. The truck is my Uncle Arnold's '53 Chevy he restored himself.....