According to Section 1702 of the Postal Code, it's a federal offense to open mail that belongs to someone else. Don't believe me? Here it is:
Sec. 1702. - Obstruction of correspondence
Whoever takes any letter, postal card, or package out of any post office or any authorized depository for mail matter, or from any letter or mail carrier, or which has been in any post office or authorized depository, or in the custody of any letter or mail carrier, before it has been delivered to the person to whom it was directed, with design to obstruct the correspondence, or to pry into the business or secrets of another, or opens, secretes, embezzles, or destroys the same, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than five years, or both.
Wednesday I received a piece of correspondence that contained an offer for a free pair of panties from Victoria's Secret. The bride opened it. She already had one of her own but, no, one wasn't enough. She had to take mine, too. She's selfish like that sometimes.
She brought the card to me. It had a scantily clad woman on the front. She said, "Who would carry something like this around?" I took it, looked at it, and put it in my pocket, proving that someone might keep such an object on their person. Flame shot from her eyes, puffs of steam poured from her ears. "GIVE THAT BACK TO ME RIGHT NOW!" Because I like walking without a limp I quickly handed it over.
How did she know that I wasn't going to take that card to Victoria's place and bring back a surprise for her? Why would she assume that I wouldn't want to do something like that?
I'm mad and I don't know what I'm going to do about it. No, I won't have her imprisoned because the girls need a mother. But I can tell you this much - she won't ever get another leopard-print article of clothing from me again.....