Friday, June 26, 2009

day tripping.....

Time for a little vacation. We're looking forward to spending a week in East Tennessee with my family and doing some day trips next week. We'll visit some friends and family, spend a day in Pigeon Forge and Dollywood, hopefully get in a little golf, and eat Mom's/Gramma's cooking.

Good times.....

Thursday, June 25, 2009


St. Petersburg Times - 5/16/09

The head of Florida's Department of Corrections admitted in May that at least 43 children (including a 5-year-old), who observed their parents' prison jobs as part of "Take Your Sons and Daughters to Work Day" in April, were playfully zapped by 50,000-volt stun guns. DOC Secretary Walt McNeil said the demonstrations (in three of the state's 55 prisons) even included one warden's kid, but that only 14 children were individually shot (with the rest part of hand-holding circles feeling a passing current). Twenty-one employees were disciplined.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

tiger math.....

It's been reported that Tiger Woods made $110 million last year. Let's see how that breaks down:

$310,370 per day


$12,557 per hour


$209.28 per minute


$3.49 per second

Let's assume Tiger sleeps 8 hours each night. While he sleeps, he makes $100,456. If we assume he takes 20 minutes to eat a meal, he makes a little less than $4,200 while he eats. In the time it takes him to brush his teeth, he's made about $420.

So, Tiger, if you're reading this, the bride and I are doing some renovations at our house. If you could spare a couple of hours, we'd really appreciate it.....

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

seriously, they exist.....

Anchorage Daily News - 5/24/09

At the biennial World Beard and Moustache Championships in May in Anchorage, Alaska, four local heroes "defeated" the usually dominant German contingent in the 18-category pageant, including overall champ David Traver of Girdwood, Alaska, whose woven chin hair suggests a long potholder. Said Traver, of the Germans, "They were humble, and you have to respect that." One defending champ, Jack Passion of Los Angeles, fell short with his navel-length red hair, despite having authored "The Facial Hair Handbook" after his 2007 victory. Traver acknowledged that no money was at stake (only trophies and "bragging rights"), but added that there are "a lot of ladies" who fawn over men's facial hair. "Seriously, they exist."

Monday, June 22, 2009

they're out to get me.....

My wife and daughters are trying to kill me. No, not in an "in your face" kind of way, but in a very subtle way. With food. Here's what they fixed me for breakfast yesterday:

Croissant French toast with fresh strawberries, HOMEMADE whipped cream and bacon. Delicious? Of course! But I have a history of high triglycerides! Oh, and the girls gave me 5 different flavors of Famous Dave's barbecue sauce, encouraging me to eat more pork! The doctor will have to double my dosage of Crestor.

I'll be lucky to make it to my 45th birthday.....

PS - thank you, ladies, for making my Father's Day special!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

how to drive your wife crazy.....

No, this isn't a commercial for any kind of medication you see advertised during PGA events.

You know the old joke about how you can drive someone crazy by putting them in a round room and telling them to pee in the corner? I've got a new one - just have your wife pick out hardwood flooring.

Works at our house.....

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

might want to plan a little better next time.....

Indianapolis Star - 5/12/09

Police in Indianapolis
charged Fifth Third Bank manager Dwayne Roberts, 31, with arson and theft after the failure of his scheme to cover up embezzlement. Police said that Roberts elaborately staged a fire inside a locked vault so that an undeterminable amount of money would burn up, thus perhaps covering his cash shortage. However, after Roberts had set the fire and locked the vault, he realized he had left his keys inside and could not re-open the vault or lock the bank's doors or drive home.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

lipstick in schools.....

According to a news report, a certain private school in Brisbane (Australia) was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then there are educators.....

Monday, June 15, 2009

you're the worstest dad ever.....

Plain Dealer (Cleveland) - 5/17/09

When a son, angry that his father had ordered him to clean up his room, screamed at Dad and threw a plate of food across the dinner table, Dad called 911. The son is 28-year-old Andrew Mizsak, who lives rent-free with his parents in the Cleveland suburb of Bedford, Ohio, and is a member of the Bedford School Board (and whose mom is a city councilwoman). After police arrived, the habitually untidy son apologized and, according to their report, "was sent to his room to clean it. He was crying uncontrollably." Subsequently, the school board punished Andrew by removing two of his duties.

Friday, June 12, 2009

mission accomplished.....

Six months ago I set a goal weight for myself. No definite time range, just a goal weight. I stepped on the scales yesterday morning and saw the number I've been looking for. I'm now wearing clothes from the skinny side of the closet.

It was a relief. I've eaten differently, I've run more consistently. It's not always been fun, but it's been tolerable knowing that the weight was coming off.

After my run yesterday we had dinner. After dinner, Sara looked so pitiful when she couldn't find any chocolate to eat for dessert. I offered to take her to get a milkshake. The bride saw through my "generosity" when I said I'd get one for myself, too. I hadn't told her, but I'd long ago decided that when I did hit my target weight I was going to go get a milkshake. Sara later decided she didn't want a milkshake but rather sugar cookies from the grocery store, so I picked up some Edy's ice cream that had waffle cone bits, chocolate chunks and caramel swirls. It was so good that I wept as I ate it.

Good stuff.....

Thursday, June 11, 2009

a few tips for those attending this week's cma music festival.....

Fan Fair week is here. The week Nashville businesses love. The week those of us who work downtown dread. Here are a few tips for those Fan Fair guests who are visiting Nashville:

Buy a map so you know how to get downtown.
We have residents from Maury and Lawrence counties who already clog up the interstates with their poor driving skills. Don't add to the problem.

No, we don't see country music stars walking up and down the streets all the time.
If you do see them outside the exhibit hall, let them be. One of the reasons they live in this area is because most people let them live their lives in peace.

That Red Roof Inn you're paying $119 a night to stay in? It was $47.99 on Tuesday.

Enjoy your stay.....

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

dry spell.....

I've hit one of those dry spells in my blogging. No creativity. I got nothing. At all.....

Monday, June 08, 2009

they must remember cars, too.....

USA Today - 5/19/09

A University of Florida researcher found, for a recent journal article, that mockingbirds, among all animals, are skilled at identifying particular humans who have displeased them and whom they wish to attack.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

8 magic words for husbands to memorize.....

After much deliberation, we're getting ready to do some renovations at home. Kitchen and floors. Simple, right? That's what I thought.

The bride has jumped into the project with both feet. We have another family on the street doing similar projects, so she's teamed up with the wife/mom and they're doing research like crazy.

I'm a simple person. I'm decisive, straight-forward. I know what I like. When most people a
sk me for my opinion, I give it to them without a filter. You can't do that when it's your wife. I forgot that.

The bride had several hardwood samples down on the floor for me to look at. She asked for my opinion. I didn't remember that I was talking to her, so I gave her my honest opinion. Her response was something like, "What are you, crazy? That's the worst choice EVER MADE by a human being! That's horrible! I can't even stand to look at you right now!" OK, I may not have that exactly word for word, but that's the gist of what I heard. And to be fair, she was taking the color of the furniture and window treatments into consideration. But she just asked my opinion on which floor sample I liked best.

So if you're a husband, I'd like to share 8 magic words for you to use whenever you're considering any home improvement projects. Whenever your wife asks your opinion, simply say, "
What would you like my answer to be?" You'll save yourself a lot of grief.

One more thing - when you say those 8 magic words, say it like you mean it. Even if you don't. Again, you'll save yourself a lot of grief.....

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

talk about your literal interpretations.....

Wisconsin State Journal - 4/13/09

In April, a manager at a Dean Health System clinic in Madison, Wis., received corporate instructions to "immediately" lay off 50 listed employees, and the manager (a 30-year nursing veteran) decided that that included pulling one RN out of a room in which she was assisting with surgery, leaving just a physician and lower-level staff members present. A clinic executive later called the manager's timing an error, but said there were no adverse consequences to the patient.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

bruce kicks shia's butt every time.....

Meg had her wisdom teeth extracted last week. She's done really well, not a lot of swelling. While she was recovering, she watched quite a few movies.

Last Thursday night, the bride and I watched the original "
Die Hard" with Meg. It had been a long time since I'd sat down and watched the entire movie, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. The action, the bravado of Officer John McClane and the way he took down the terrorists had the bride and me on the edge of our seats the whole time. And we knew how it turned out! After it was over, I asked Meg how she liked it. She said it was "kinda' slow". My jaw hit the floor.

Friday night, the bride and I watched "
Disturbia". Very good movie, lots of suspense, based on Hitchcock's "Rear Window". Meg and Kyle came in and watched the last 30 minutes with us. After the movie, Meg commented on how much better "Disturbia" was than "Die Hard". Once again, my jaw hit the floor. I now have a significant bruise on my chin.

Head to head, Office John McClane puts Kale Brecht to shame. McClane had, what, 8-10 terrorists with C4 explosives and missiles? Kale had to fight the curly-headed guy from
St. Elsewhere.

Kids these days.....