sorry about that.....

The explosion you heard Saturday night around 7:00 came from my house. It was right after Fulmer put Crompton in at quarterback. The bride called me down right after I screamed. If Fulmer's trying to get fired, it appears to be working.

I won't say UT has hit a new low because the season's not over yet. That could happen with either Wyoming, Vanderbilt or Kentucky.

I turned the game off and went downstairs after Crompton's first series. Yeah, I checked in on it every now and then. But that's the first time in years that I've walked away from watching a UT game.

At least the Titans stayed undefeated. It wasn't a thing of beauty, but it was a win. The problem with the Vols is that it's not only ugly, it's almost always a loss.....

that was 25 years ago.....

The first album I ever bought with my own money was Dianna Ross Presents The Jackson 5. I listed to that album over and over and over. And over. And then a little more. Jackie, Tito, Jermaine, Marlon and Michael made music like I'd never heard before. Yeah, it was pretty much classic Motown with alot of remakes, but you have to remember something - I was born a poor white child with very little exposure to anything or anyone who wasn't white. It wasn't a choice, that's just what upper east Tennessee was like in the late 60's and early 70's.

Fast forward about 13 years to 1983. (Yes, the album debuted in late '82, but got most of its early play in '83.) Michael has turned into the King of Pop. He's as hot as anyone could be in the music industry. He comes out with Thriller, the greatest selling album of all time with over 100 million sold. (To put this into perspective, the second best selling album of all time is AC/DC's Back in Black at 42 million.) Soon after the album's release, they came out with The Making of Thriller on VHS. I couldn't afford to buy it since I was a poor white college student, but Hill's Department Store played it non-stop in their electronics department. I used to go over there a couple of times a week and watch it. As someone who has never been able to dance, I was amazed by the dancing.

The video itself debuted on MTV (back when they still played music videos) in December of 1983. I read that Michael Jackson fans and impersonators were going to meet at Madame Tussauds wax museum in New York yesterday to try to break the Guinness Book record of most people doing a simultaneous Thriller dance.

I know things are always going to change, but I sure do wish my girls could have seen Michael Jackson when he was normal.....

thank goodness.....

These are uncertain times. But every now and then I see things that comfort me like my old blue blanket when I was little. This news was so encouraging in light of all the economic turmoil. I just had to share it with everyone:

Exxon Mobil posts biggest US quarterly profit ever

Thursday October 30, 9:00 am ET

By John Porretto, AP Business Writer
Exxon Mobil shatters own record for largest profit from operations by a US corporation

HOUSTON (AP) -- Exxon Mobil Corp., the world's largest publicly traded oil company, reported income Thursday that shattered its own record for the biggest profit from operations by a U.S. corporation, earning $14.83 billion in the third quarter.

and it's a time-saver for the burglars.....

Daily Telegraph (London) - 9/30/08

Britain's Bristol City Council warned residents in government housing in September to always leave their sheds unlocked. Otherwise, thieves would have to break the doors down to get inside, and taxpayers would be stuck with the repair bills.

one of those things you probably only see once in life.....

New York Post - 7/29/08

A 38-year-old woman described as "very large," using the "abductor" thigh-tightening machine at the New York Sports Club in Harlem in July, failed to dismount properly, according to a witness, and was "sling-shot" off, across the room, startling other gym users. Paramedics had to use a "Stokes basket" instead of a regular stretcher to carry her out, according to the New York Post.

yeah, that's where i am.....

I can't remember if it's a bank or an insurance company that has the ad showing people in different phases of their lives. There's a tag line that goes something like, "that's where i am". That ad's been on my mind alot lately. Here's where I am - eating anything and everything, regardless of the time of day, and exercising very little. That all adds up to a gut.

While shaving one day last week, I looked in the mirror and thought the bride had punked me by putting a carnival fun house mirror over the vanity. I did a double-take and realized there was nothing wrong with the mirror, but rather the pear-shaped person staring back at me.

So now I've got to get back to eating better and running. No Saturday morning gourmet pancakes. (Ghiradelli white chocolate and walnut this past Saturday. Almost too rich to eat, but I ate them anyway.) No more ice cream, potato chips, chex mix or graham crackers with peanut butter after dinner. Actually, none of that stuff at all for a while. No more being too tired to run at night.

Remember the movie "Airplane"? Lloyd Bridges' character, Steve McCroskey, had a line that he kept repeating, "Looks like I picked a bad week to quit drinking." Then he'd substitute "smoking", "sniffing glue", and "taking amphetamines" for "drinking" later on in the movie. As the holiday season approaches, with all of the great foods that come along with it, it looks like I picked a bad time to quit eating.....

pumpkin fest '08.....

The bride and I spent some time at Pumpkin Fest on Saturday. There were fewer vendors but just as many people.

Here are some pictures from downtown Franklin.....

two ways hgtv makes me realize i need a life.....

The bride and I watch HGTV every now and then. I didn't know just how much we watched it until a couple of things happened earlier this week. Here's how HGTV has shown me I need a life:

* A commercial came on this past weekend announcing that House Hunters International was going to be on every night this week at 9:00. People would be shopping for vacation homes in the tropics. I remembered it and said something like, "Oh, put it on HGTV!" around 9:00 the other night.

* You know you watch too much HGTV when you say something like, "Yeah, we've seen this one already. Remember? They're moving from Chicago to Portland." and you end up watching it again.

Yes, I'm boring.....

bret michaels has some real competition here.....

Atlanta Journal-Constitution - 10/7/08

Atlanta Pentecostal preacher Thomas Weeks told the Journal-Constitution in October that he was "in talks" to create a "Survivor"-type TV reality show in which the twice-divorced evangelist navigates a field of single women and selects a winner. "Holy Hook Up: Who Will Be the Next Mrs. Weeks?" will, he said, be a "very tasteful, five-star presentation."

gotta' start working on my list.....

I can't remember who told me this (could have been Chris), but a few years ago when the lottery jackpot got past the $200 million mark, a radio station asked its listeners to call in and tell what they'd do if they won the money. Several said they'd quit their jobs, others said they'd help out family members. One man called and said he'd start working on his list. They inquired "What list is that?" The man replied, "The list of people I'm gonna' tell to kiss my butt!"

Well, looks like I'm going to have to start working on my list. A gentleman from South Africa sent me a lovely email yesterday. This will be the easiest $1,260,000 I've ever made. And don't try calling the number at the end of the email, I already have.....

I am the Payment Verification Committee Claims Manager here in the South Africa, there is an unclaimed fund (US$4.2M) an amount won by an international winner in the Club Lottery international program, after her first correspondence with my office, I have tried to contact her with her provided details to no success for the past months. The fund has been tag to be return to the treasury's account at the end of this year 2008 as unclaimed; I can use my power as the claims Manager to process this fund and have it transfer to you. the deal is this you will be entitled to 30% of the total fund while 70% will be for me I will secure all legal documentations required here in the South Africa to get the fund to you in your country, Please respond on receipt by email or phone call for further information.

Regards,Pumlata Cole ,Tel: +27 74 180 5109

something to think about.....

I saw this quote on Scout.com's VolChat this past weekend. There have been plenty of "storms" lately for everyone, so this could be a good motto for us all:

Life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

mission accomplished.....

So my only goal was to paint the front door over my 4-day weekend. I actually painted the shutters, too. That's right, going above and beyond. That's what I'm all about.

Thursday was a lazy, rainy day. I spent most of Friday and Saturday outside painting and working in the yard. Here's some other stuff that happened:

• I witnessed some air mattress surfing by Sara and her friends.
• I found out that the one thing the bride can't do without in life is some kind of Clinique makeup - not me. I won't lie to you, it hurt. But I'll get over it.
• The bride and I took Meg to vote Saturday. She was cheered on by the people working the polls when they learned she was a first-time voter.

Time to start a new workweek.....

back in a few.....

My workweek ends today. Sometimes three-day weeks have a way of feeling more like five-day weeks. This one has.

I'm taking Thursday and Friday off. My biggest task will be to paint the front door. Nothing more. I'm going to be lazy and not do much of anything for the next few days. Including blogging.

Later.....

new investment plan.....

Disclaimer: The OFIT in no way condones drinking in excess to potentailly make money.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received a $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

heritage days, rogersville.....

We had a great weekend in East Tennessee. It was good to get together with Mom's family on Saturday.

Besides spending time with family, the other highlight of our weekend was watching gas prices fall in Johnson City. When we got there Friday night, unleaded gas was $2.98. We were so excited we filled up as soon as we saw it. The next morning it was down to $2.81. That afternoon it went to $2.75.

Here are a few pictures. The truck is my Uncle Arnold's '53 Chevy he restored himself.....

good thing they weren't barking spiders.....

Reno Gazette-Journal - 8/18/08

A 17-year-old boy in Reno, Nev., accidentally set his family's house on fire trying to kill spiders.

it's probably nothing to worry about.....

I'm a bit concerned about the bride. Lately, whenever I'm close to her, she appears to be blurry. She said she's had allergy problems lately. I'll bet that's it.

It can't have anything to do with me or my eyesight.....

come in, special agent 0-9-3-1.....

WBIR-TV - 9/17/08

Police in Knoxville, Tenn., arrested Richard Smith, 25, in September after he called 911 from an air duct in the Knoxville Museum of Art, and Smith immediately volunteered that he was "special agent 0-9-3-1" with the "United States Illuminati" and that he had come to retrieve a nuclear warhead from the Soviet Union that was concealed in a blue plastic cow in the basement, according to a report on WBIR-TV. Smith got trapped, he said, after he received a phone call aborting the mission because the cow was actually supposed to be in a museum in Memphis. He said he had entered the Museum of Art by being lowered from a "CH2 Huey" helicopter, but police basically rejected everything Smith said except his name.

redneck fire alarm.....

2-3 and here come the dawgs.....

Well, UT beat Northern Illinois. Barely. The same kind of offensive effort won't work against Georgia next Saturday. I'm sort of glad I won't be able to watch the game since we'll be at Heritage Days in Rogersville. That doesn't mean I won't keep up with the score, though.

As for Vanderbilt - if they aren't for real, they sure are faking it awfully well. They're so much better coached than UT, that's for sure. I know alot of Auburn fans who are pretty unhappy. Some are so upset that they're saying UT's offense is better than Auburn's. In other words, they're so angry, they're desperate.

The Titans win uglier than any undefeated team in the NFL. But they are undefeated. The defense came through when they needed them. And Collins played mediocre to bad for 3 1/2 quarters, then turned it up a few notches for the win.

Back to the workweek.....

gotta' be a miserable existence.....

I spoke with a friend of mine the other day. He told me about one of his employees who looked at everything in the most cynical way possible. My friend said that he gave this employee some good news last week - he was getting a new office. It was going to require moving his furniture to his new office, but the employee's new office was going to be about 25% bigger and much nicer. The employee's response? Sounded like too much work to him.

At a former job, we used to joke that we could offer to take all of our employees to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid, and some of them would gripe that it was too windy there. Life's too short. I try to spend as little time as possible with negative people.....

uh.....

Daily Telegraph - 7/8/08

In July, Abbie Hawkins, 19, a hotel receptionist in Norwich, England, said she found a baby bat nestled inside the padded bra she had been wearing for several hours. "When I was driving to work, I felt a slight vibration but I thought it was just my mobile phone in my jacket pocket," she told the Daily Telegraph. Hawkins had fetched the bra off of a clothesline that morning, where it had been hanging overnight. First reaction: "I thought how mean I was for disturbing it."

weird times in tennessee.....

The Middle Tennessee State University football team has more wins than Tennessee.

The Titans are 4-0. Several commentators around the country are picking them to go to the Super Bowl.

Vanderbilt is in the top 20 AND ESPN's Game Day is coming to Nashville this Saturday. AND they're picked to beat Auburn.

OK, I think I've seen it all now.....

with friends like this.....

Daily Telegraph (London) - 8/6/08

Kay Underwood, 20, of Barrow upon Soar, England, risks momentarily collapsing every time she laughs, according to an August report in London's Daily Telegraph. Her cataplexy causes a sudden, dramatic weakening of muscles when she experiences strong emotions, including joy, excitement and anger. She said she has collapsed as many as 40 times in a day, and sometimes her friends will good-naturedly try to make her giggle, but she said she has learned tricks to protect herself, "such as locking my knees together or grabbing on to something."

ok, so at least the defense showed up.....

Thank goodness Auburn's offense is struggling. It could have been worse. Their offense played just enough to win. Tennessee's offense must have been left in 2007.
Jonathan Crompton may be the greatest guy in the world, but he's not an SEC quarterback. Even I know that as a quarterback you shove the ball into the running back's gut. (And I only played in middle school, coach.) Watching that offense Saturday was painful. Almost makes me long for the days of Casey Clausen. Almost.


I told several people that the only way UT would win is if the defense created turnovers AND they scored with the ball. We just can't move the ball on offense.

Looks like a 5-7, maybe 6-6, season for us Vol fans.....

this was kind of a big deal.....

We went to Blockbuster last Friday night to get a free movie from the middle section. Since we couldn't decide on anything free, the bride and Meg rented "Baby Mama". I had no intention of watching this movie with my 18-year-old daughter, but I encouraged them to watch it together. Since we were there, and since it was free, I rented "Anchorman." I think the bride thought I was going to watch it that night. Nope. My plan all along was to make her watch it with me. I wanted to share this with her. Then she'd understand what I was talking about when I went around quoting it all the time.

We watched it Wednesday night. After the movie we watched the bloopers and the special "Afternoon Delight" video. The bride said that the bloopers were funnier than the movie. However, I want everyone to know that she laughed. Out loud. Several times. Especially at Steve Carell.

Just doing my part to help the bride stay classy, Planet Earth.....

that's a no-brainer.....

A friend of mine who's a car salesman with Darrell Waltrip Honda Volvo sent this to me. Great article!

Darrell Waltrip Helps Iraq War Veteran

NASCAR champion and Honda Volvo dealer Darrell Waltrip helps Iraq war veteran who was victimized by an Internet scam.

Darrell Waltrip stepped in and gave him a 2004 Honda Accord on Tuesday 07/02/08.Jay Strobino, 24 of Franklin, who lost $5,500 trying to buy a used Honda Accord on Craigslist earlier this year, wired the money to a scam artist who claimed to be heading out soon for military deployment, setting up a fake WorldPay Web site to handle the purchase.

Once Darrel Waltrip heard of this scam from the general manager, John Gallagher, they decided to give him an Accord. Jay took delivery of the 2004 Accord Tuesday "It's beyond awesome,"

"There are so many fake sites you really have to be sure. We're in the car business, and he got ripped off by someone pretending to be real." Darrell said he was also motivated by Strobino's military service. Jay was shot thirteen times in a firefight south of Bagdad in 2004, is a Silver Star medal recipient, the 3rd highest ranking military honor.

"I thought that's a no-brainer - let's help the kid out," Waltrip said after handing the keys at Darrell Waltrip Honda Volvo Tuesday.

new driving lane.....

You know how most cities have sections of the interstate with HOV, high occupancy vehicle, lanes? I think they should create a new lane: the CPU, cell phone user, lane.

It never fails. Every afternoon on the way home, I get stuck behind somebody going about 10-15 miles per hour slower than the posted speed limit. When I am finally able to get around the person, they're almost always on the phone.

The CPU lane would be on the right-hand shoulder of the road. Drivers who talk on their phone and choose not to keep up with traffic would be fined severely if they aren't in the CPU lane. And other drivers would be able to throw rocks at them, too. Yeah.

I think it could work.....

the game of the little amber light.....

My lovely bride is not a very competitive person by nature. But she does like to play games. There's this one where she likes to see how far she can make her van go once the little amber light comes on. And you know how daughters eventually become their mothers? Turns out Meg does the same thing with her car. (Yes, Kramer did it on Seinfeld, but that was with a car he test-drove. Completely different.)

On Friday the 12th, I was one of around 50 people who lined up at Sam's Club to get gas for the bride's van. Last Friday afternoon, panic spread throughout the Nashville/Brentwood/Franklin area as gas stations saw lines not seen since the gas rationing years of the late-70's. Saturday morning's Tennessean said that 85% of gas stations in the Nashville are were out of gas.

The low gas light on Meg's car came on about 7 miles before she got home from MTSU Friday afternoon. She, the bride and Sara set out in search for gas not long after she got home. Our local Publix gas station had over 100 cars in line. A guy came back and said they'd probably run out before Meg's car got to the pump. They left for the Cool Springs area. I met them at Home Depot where Meg and I waited for around 30 minutes. A guy came by the car carrying two buckets with signs that read "cash only" and "we'll run out of gas by 5:00 PM". We made it with about 8 minutes to spare, coasting as much as we could. And luckily I had $28 in cash.

Meg has promised me that she'll never let her gas tank get below 1/4 tank again. I've hinted at the same agreement with the bride, but I shan't hold my breath.

I've mentioned the "amber light game" to other women, and apparently this is a game most women like to play. I'd like to note that just because everyone else seems to be doing it does not make it OK. I mean, if everyone else decided to drive off a bridge, would she do that, too? If so, my only hope would be that she'd run out of gas before reaching the edge of the bridge.....

yay, we held them to 30 points.....

Now is the time of year when most UT fans call for the resignation of coach Phillip Fulmer. Saturday's disaster to Florida won't help him one bit. Neither will the upcoming games against Auburn and Georgia. Or Alabama. Maybe even Vanderbilt.

I still hope Fulmer can leave on his own terms one day. Maybe be named assistant AD or something. He loves the university and he's given alot of his life to it, and I think he deserves to stay associated with it in the future.

I didn't expect us to win. I honestly thought Florida would score at least 40. But I also thought we might do something on offense besides fumble the ball.

Here's my take on the game:

• If special teams are so special, why doesn't Tennessee have a special teams coach? We don't know how to cover kicks.


• Jonathan Crompton can't read defenses.


• Tennessee looked like like a middle school team playing against Florida. Florida was faster, more disciplined, better coached and acted like they knew they would win.


• Eric Berry is the real deal.

I wish I could be more positive about the season, but looks like we've got a good chance of starting out 1-4.....

no, that wasn't me.....

The Times (London) - 6/19/08

Gill Switalski, 51, filed a lawsuit in London, seeking the equivalent of almost $40 million for her dismissal from the Foreign and Colonial investment firm, claiming she was fired illegally during an illness. However, F and C asserted in June that it found an instance during a particularly sickly spell for Switalski when she interviewed for a job at a competitor while demonstrating enough energy and drive to have received an offer of employment. Switalski said she was merely using an "alternative personality" during that interview.

it's all about the kids.....

As a father, you love your children. That's first and foremost. But at the same time, I think it's incumbent upon those of us who are fathers to "innocently" find things that annoy them and play it up really big. Just for fun. I did that a few days ago.

I learned this at a conference earlier this week:

• there are currently 100 million active Facebook users; it's estimated that there will be 200 million by December of this year


• there are approximately 250,000 new Facebook users every day


• the average Facebook user is on their page about 25 minutes a day

My industry isn't reaching the Gen Y/Net Generation. In order to do that, we're going to have to do things a little different in order to gain their business. So that I can begin to understand social networking better, I now have a Facebook account.

And if it happens to mortify my daughters that I have a Facebook account, that's just an added bonus for me.....

need some truth in advertising.....

There are signs all over the airport area in Phoenix claiming that Sky Harbor Airport is "America's Friendliest Airport." Bull. The security personnel in particular were anything but friendly. In fact, I don't think I've ever been treated more rudely by anyone in an airport.

While standing in line before proceeding to have my luggage scanned, I offered to have an elderly man in a wheelchair go in front of me. We were both standing there and I politely motioned for him to go first. A female security person, who reminded me of Nell Carter, cocked her head and scowled at me saying, "He's not READY!" I think I saw small whiffs of smoke coming from her ears. As I stood there with an obvious look of shock, she hurriedly waved me in her direction. I said, "Thank you! I hope you have a better day now."

The next problem occured when I didn't pack my x-ray bin properly. Another female security guard, I think it was Nell Carter's sister, said, "From now on, you put your laptop in a SEPARATE container!"

Last week Phillip Fulmer was asked about the soft defense UT played against UCLA in the second half. He said that the defense didn't play a soft coverage. All the other UT fans thought it was soft. I guess it comes down to the definition of the word "soft." It's probably the same thing with the word "friendly" in the Phoenix airport.

We must have a different definition for "friendly" in the South.....

early morning time on my hands.....

I don't adjust to time zones too well. By the time I get used to this one, I'll be heading back home and have to adjust back to that one.

So when I woke up at 5:00 this morning, I went on a walk with my camera. Here's Phoenix from 5:30 until 6:30.....

hot is hot.....

They say dry heat isn't all that hot. It was 109 when the plane landed in Phoenix yesterday. True, it's not bad in the shade. But out in the sun, trust me, it's hot.

I didn't get in until around 5:00 PM yesterday, thanks to a flight delay with American. Last time I flew American, I swore I'd never fly with them again. But the fare was the cheapest and I'm trying to save the company money, so I booked it. Never again.

I don't think I could live here, but from what I've seen so far the Phoenix landscape is pretty unique.....

thanks so much.....

Welcome to a special Saturday edition of the OFIT.

I just wanted to take a minute and thank the media, both national and local, for creating such panic in the general public. Thank you for telling us that we're probably going to run out of gas very soon. Because of you, I sat in a line of 45-50 cars at Sam's Club last night to get gas. (I'd like to note that the only reason I waited is because the low gas light was on in the van.)

I'd also like to thank the Knoxville area gas stations and their suppliers for price gouging. Gas was $4.49 a gallon when I can through there yesterday afternoon. And the Winchester gas station I saw on the news last night that raised their prices to $5.29 a gallon.

Again, I can't thank you all enough.....

heading back home.....

Home is where you make it. That's what the old Cajun guy told Joe Dirt when he went looking for his parents.

I've made Franklin my home. But Kingsport will always be a home for me, too. I'm heading back up there this week for a conference. Cooler temperatures, mountains all around, plus dinner at Mom and Dad's.

I'm looking forward to this week.....

it's a win.....

I didn't expect alot of points to be score in yesterday's Titans/Jaguars game. Maybe 35 to 40 total at most. Luckily 17 points were enough for the Titans to win.

The defense played stellar with seven sacks. The front line was spectacular. Cortland Finnegan played well and got two picks. Albert Haynesworth played through a concussion.

On the offensive side of the ball, thank goodness for rookie Chris Johnson. He's a difference maker. Bo Scaife came through on third and 16 in a big way. The receivers dropped a few balls. And Vince.....well, Mr. Young made some bad decisions in the pocket. The first interception set up Jacksonville's only touchdown. The second one, thankfully, didn't hurt the Titans. But in both instances, he threw the ball right to the defense. You can't be an effective quarterback in the NFL and do things like that. Looks like Collins will be the quarterback for the next 2-4 weeks anyway.

A win's a win. But they're going to have to put more points on the board against most of the other teams in the league.....

never did that before.....

I'm 44 years old. I've watched bits and pieces of political conventions over the years. And I've usually tried to watch the speeches of the presidential candidates. But I've never intentionally tuned in to watch a vice presidential candidate speak - until Wednesday night.

By now there have been accolades given to and pot shots taken at Sarah Palin for her speech. And I know what I say doesn't amount to a hill of beans when it comes to who will end up at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue next January. But I have to say that Sarah Palin not only knocked it out of the park, she hit the thing so far that it's still rolling. She was poised, intelligent, and sincere.

There, that's as political as I'll ever get on here.....

family affair.....

Dallas Morning News-Denton Record Chronicle - 7/15/08

As Denton, Texas, Pizza Patron employee Stephanie Martinez complied with a disguised robber's demand for money at closing in July, a co-worker jumped the man, knocked him down, and began beating on him. As the robber's sunglasses and wig fell off, Martinez recognized him: "Don't hit him again! That's my dad!" Police later charged Stephanie's father, mother and husband with the attempted robbery, concluding that Stephanie had been kept completely in the dark about the heist.

things that need to go away at the mall.....

I had to go to Cool Springs Galleria Saturday afternoon. I think everyone from a 100-mile radius was there.

While I was there, I noticed a few things that need to go away at the mall. Not just at Cool Springs, but at every mall. I'm sure this isn't a complete list, but these are the ones I noticed:

Teenagers who insist on walking 4-and 5-wide. We get it, you're there to be seen and to try to act cool. Just do it without clogging up the walkways.

Cart/kiosk people who chase you down and try to buff your fingernails. I'm putting you on notice. You come at me once more and I'll turn you into a human popcicle with that buffing stick. You've been warned.

People who walk so slow that other people in wheelchairs pass them by. I saw a lady in a wheelchair accidentally run over a lady's foot because the lady in front of her was walking so slow. The lady in the wheelchair kept huffing and puffing, waiting for the lady in front of her to either get out of the way or speed up. She didn't. So wheelchair lady just hit the gas and made a path for herself over the other lady's foot. She never looked back.

People unsure of escalators. Just get on the moving, magical steps. It won't hurt. Take that first step for the ride of your life. You may even want to repeat the experience one day. Be sure to pace yourself.

Foreigners who refuse to bathe. Yes, I'd like for you to speak English, too, but let's deal with the body odor thing first. If nothing else, go spray each other down in Bath & Body Works with room deodorizer.

Kiosks that sell hair. Face it, if you need hair you're not going to buy it from a little Korean lady at a kiosk in the mall.

wanted:an offense.....and a 2nd half defense.....

If this is the product Tennessee is going to put on the field this season, I don't know that I want to watch them play any more. It was downright ugly.

I have to give UCLA credit. Our defense allowed them to stay in the game. We let their quarterback get up off the mat from the first half and gave them every opportunity to win the game. And they took those opportinities and turned them into a win.

Crompton looked like he'd never played football before, let alone quarterback. Foster continues to lose the handle on the ball inside the 10 yard line. The new offensive coordinator, Clawson, called a very questionable game. Why should we throw the ball 41 times? Our veteran offensive line couldn't block anyone. Our kicker missed three field goals. We left at least 16 points on the field.

As for the defense, great first half. But they forgot to play the fourth quarter. Yeah, our defensive backs had four interceptions, but we couldn't cover a 94-year-old woman in a wheelchair in the second half. Pitiful. Florida will put up 80 points on UT if they play this way against them.

And to think I waited eight months for this.....