Wednesday, September 03, 2008

things that need to go away at the mall.....

I had to go to Cool Springs Galleria Saturday afternoon. I think everyone from a 100-mile radius was there.

While I was there, I noticed a few things that need to go away at the mall. Not just at Cool Springs, but at every mall. I'm sure this isn't a complete list, but these are the ones I noticed:

Teenagers who insist on walking 4-and 5-wide. We get it, you're there to be seen and to try to act cool. Just do it without clogging up the walkways.

Cart/kiosk people who chase you down and try to buff your fingernails. I'm putting you on notice. You come at me once more and I'll turn you into a human popcicle with that buffing stick. You've been warned.

People who walk so slow that other people in wheelchairs pass them by. I saw a lady in a wheelchair accidentally run over a lady's foot because the lady in front of her was walking so slow. The lady in the wheelchair kept huffing and puffing, waiting for the lady in front of her to either get out of the way or speed up. She didn't. So wheelchair lady just hit the gas and made a path for herself over the other lady's foot. She never looked back.

People unsure of escalators. Just get on the moving, magical steps. It won't hurt. Take that first step for the ride of your life. You may even want to repeat the experience one day. Be sure to pace yourself.

Foreigners who refuse to bathe. Yes, I'd like for you to speak English, too, but let's deal with the body odor thing first. If nothing else, go spray each other down in Bath & Body Works with room deodorizer.

Kiosks that sell hair. Face it, if you need hair you're not going to buy it from a little Korean lady at a kiosk in the mall.

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