I grew up a George Carlin fan. He was the father of observational comedy. George died yesterday in St. John's Health Center in Santa Monica at the age of 71.
I remember I did a modified routine of his in 7th grade English glass for a presentation. I think I got an 'A'. (I remember that 'A' because there were so few of them for me.)
Here are a few of my favorite quotes from George Carlin:
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.