Before leaving on vacation, we started having toilet problems in the upstairs bathroom. First the handle broke and I had to replace it. Only the kind of handle I bought didn't exactly fit, so I "made" it fit with wire. Problem was that the wire kept rusting and breaking. Then the tank started leaking and the valve wouldn't close all the way, which caused the water the keep running because the tank never filled up. So before we left for the beach, I turned the water supply off to the toilet and put a "do not use" sign on the lid.
Let me stop and say this - I hate repairing toilets. I don't really hate toilets. I've used them all my life with a great deal of success, I might add. I just despise fixing them. Every time I go to fix something "simple", something that should just take 30 minutes, it becomes a difficult 4-hour project. And as much as I hate repairing toilets, I hate having to pay a plumber to fix it for me even more. It takes him about 10 minutes and he charges me through the nose. And I'm sure it's just me, but I also imagine that he snickers when he fixes what I've already screwed up. So to save money, and to save a little of my pride, I've always tried to do it myself.
I went to Home Depot Sunday afternoon and bought the standard toilet repair kit for $10.99. I'd told myself that I'd wait to do it Monday after work, and that I'd go into the project with a positive attitude. The positive attitude thing lasted for about 38 seconds. I go to replace the flapper, only there's no flapper. In the flapper's place is this thing that I've never seen before. (The guy at Home Depot last night said that they'd had alot of leaking problems with the "tower" thing over the flapper. Thanks, I've got that information already.) And I can't get it out of the tank. I pull it, twist it, yank it and turn it. Nothing. The stupid thing isn't budging. By this time I'm wringing wet with sweat, my hands are black from touching the seal inside the toilet, and I have no idea what I'm going to do next. On top of that, I'm mad. Mad that I don't know what to do. Mad that God didn't bless me with the knowledge of a plumber at this partucular moment in time.
So I give in. I tell the bride that we're going to have to get a plumber. By the way, she suggested we do that in the first place. And she reminds me of it. (Ladies, here's a tip, even though you're right and we know you're right, never remind your husband that you suggested he call a plumber in the first place right after he's unsuccessfully tried to fix the toilet and he's lathered up a good sweat. I'm just sayin'.) The bride got online and requested an appointment for a local plumbing company to come by.
I was on my way to lunch Tuesday and the bride calls on my wireless phone. The plumber's there. He said all the toilet needed was a small seal. A small seal on the thing that was there instead of the flapper. Because I'd broken the thing that replaced the flapper (oh, did I mention I broke it when I tried to remove it?), he said the whole tank needed to be replaced. And to be honest, it would be cheaper for us to buy a whole new toilet and then call to have him come back and install it. He then collected his fee for the service charge and told the bride to call when we decided what to do. I'm sure he went back to his office and told all his plumber buddies what this stupid guy did to his toilet.
In summary, if I'd let the bride call in the first place and the plumber had simply replaced the defective seal, I'd be paying about one-third of what we're now going to have to pay. So there's another reason why I'm an idiot. Just add it to the list. For those of you keeping score at home, that's number 12,387.
Henceforth, I vow to ALWAYS call a plumber when we have toilet problems and to NEVER attempt to repair a toilet myself. I guess if I'm going to flush money down the toilet, I might as well pay someone who's qualified do it for me.....
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