Tuesday, July 08, 2008

because i'm an idiot.....

I’ve used the term “I’m an idiot” a lot over the course of my life. I live with three women, so it comes in quite handy every now and then.

On Friday the 4th, our last day at Watercolor, we decided to rent a kayak. We’d been watching others enjoy themselves while kayaking during the week, so we figured we would have just as much fun. And we did, for the most part. But because I tend to be an idiot at times, there was that one part of the excursion that wasn’t so much fun.

The bride had researched the kayaks on Thursday and learned that there were three kinds to rent: a one-person, a two-person, and a clear-bottom kayak. We asked the young lady renting out the kayaks if we could get Sara, Amanda and I in the clear-bottom kayak and the lady said no problem. Uh-huh. She’d obviously never met me before. So she goes over some of the basics. She tells us that because of the shape of the boat hull, we may take on a little water. We did, almost immediately.

We paddled out about 100 yards or so from the shore. I told Sara to see if she could bail some of the water out. It didn’t help. So we decided to paddle back into shore, dump the water and then head back out. The ride in was great as we caught a couple of waves that propelled us into the sand at the water’s edge. It was at that point that the fun part halted momentarily.

Once we got it to shore, I tried to get the entire kayak onto the sand to dump the water. But the waves would come in and take part of it back out. As I went around to grab the other end of the kayak, another wave came in and threw the kayak into my shins and ankles. That felt so good I decided to start bleeding. The bride came down to try to help secure the boat. I told her not to get so close to the kayak. As she does so often, she ignored my wise counsel. The waves then caused the kayak to hit her in the ankle and threw her into the kayak. Her ankle began to swell immediately. Then the fun really began.

I was tired of this crap. I decided to be a man, grab the handle on the front of the kayak and pull that sucker out of the water once and for all. After all, I’d helped get the boat into the water with the help of a college-age girl. Surely I could do this by myself. The problem was that I forgot about all that water in the hull of the kayak. Ever tried to lift a '63 Chrysler with one quick jerk? It’s sort of like that. I thought someone had stabbed me in my lower back with a hot poker. I’m still feeling the effects from it. I walk a lot like Fred Sanford now.

The young lady from the kayak rental place came down and, with the help of a bystander who took pity on me, maneuvered the kayak into the water and easily tipped it over, thereby releasing all the water we had taken on during our brief ride. I didn’t think of doing that because I’m an idiot.

My wise and beautiful bride then asked the young lady if we could trade out the clear bottom boat for a two-person kayak. No problem. Sara and Amanda quickly boarded the kayak and got the heck out of Dodge to avoid further embarrassment. Meg and Megan took it for a spin, and then the bride and I even went out for a few minutes. A good time was actually had by all.

So I’d highly recommend ocean kayaking to anyone interested. Just don’t get the clear-bottomed version. They’re more trouble than they’re worth…..

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