how to keep cat prints off your car.....

i've had enough.....

I've never considered myself a genius. One could look at my high school and college transcripts and figure that out. But for five days out of the week I feel somewhat smart. I know what I'm doing most of the time. I can figure things out. It's those other two days of the week that I feel as incompetent as a 4-year-old who's been asked to perform triple bypass surgery. Especially lately.

We've finished the kitchen/downstairs renovation for the most part. And when I say "we", I mean the people we've hired to do this stuff for us. The bride set it all up and did most of the painting. I did a little painting and switched out electrical outlets. Other than that, my job was to screw things up and then call someone in to finish what I started.

I don't think I was always this way when it came to doing things around the house. I'm not really sure when it all changed, but when it did it changed for the worst fast.

So that's it, I'm done. From this point forward, unless I know 100% that I can do some type of household project, I'm hiring someone to do it for me. A friend once said, "Hey, painters (or whatever type of profession) gotta' feed their families, too. I'm not gonna' take food out of their mouths!"

That, my friends, is called wisdom.....

it's just not the same.....

Star Press (Muncie) - 6/25/09

Until Mayor Sharon McShurley changed the protocol this year, fire stations in Muncie, Ind., had been delivering reports to department headquarters downtown by dropping them off in fire engines. McShurley ordered the department to learn how to send reports by e-mail.

10 games for old farts.....

1.) Sag, You're it
2.) Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
3.) 20 questions shouted into your good ear
4.) Kick the bucket
5.) Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over
6.) Doc Goose
7.) Simon says something incoherent
8.) Hide and go pee
9.) Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
10.) Musical recliners

a different kind of road rage.....

Agence France-Presse - 5/23/09

A certain bridge in Ghangzhou, China, has become popular for suicide (12 attempts in a 45-day period in April and May), and with each incident, traffic is slowed or halted for hours while crews attempt to talk the distraught person down or perform rescues. Mr. "Chen" was on the ledge in May, according to an Agence France-Presse dispatch, but he couldn't make up his mind about jumping. One frustrated motorist, Lai Jiansheng, ended the suspense by walking up to Chen and pushing him off. Chen survived, and Lai was arrested.

the end of an era.....

You're never really prepared for these things. Especially not over the phone. The bride called her dad on Saturday to see if we could borrow the truck to haul some junk off to the dump. (By the way, this "junk" was recently adorning out home until about a week ago. Funny how things can go from "necessity" to "junk" in such a short amount of time.) I saw an odd look on the bride's face when she said "Oh, really?" I knew what that was all about. I felt the need to tell the girls, to let them down as easy as possible. After all, it's a father's job to comfort his daughters during a time of loss.

We all knew this was coming. Some had accepted it, others had held out hope that "Ol' Red" would miraculously heal himself and start running like he did over 16 years ago. It never happened. The bride's father had sold his truck.

Both daughters have learned to drive in this truck, so it holds special sentimental value to them. Loads of mulch have been hauled in that truck. Families have been moved. Boxes had been toted from one place to another. Wood and supplies had been picked up and delivered for home projects. Any time someone in the family needed to haul something, the red truck was available.

So it's time to break in a new "family" truck.....

like, whoa, dude.....

KING-TV (Seattle) - 6/10/09

Nestor Waddell had to rush his 11-year-old Labrador mix, Jack, to the vet in May when he started acting strange during a walk, which had taken him into some bushes. The vet concluded that Jack had discovered and devoured some dry, harvested marijuana. According to Waddell, "(Jack's) eyes were kind of glossed over. ... When he was trying to walk, he was looking at his paw, and then looking at the ground and then trying to get his paw to reach the ground, but was unsuccessful."

even i can appreciate this.....

I'm a left-brain person. But for a few minutes every sunny morning I get all artsy.

As I turn out of the neighborhood I begin driving east towards I-65. And when it's not raining, I get to witness the sunrise. Something happens to me when I see those colors - I become immediately thankful. It's almost as if what I'm seeing is something that God painted just for me to see at just that particular moment.

You can believe what you want to believe, but it's hard for a left-brainer like me to understand how anyone could believe that all we see around us was brought about accidentally.....

they get paid to do this.....

Daily Telegraph (London) - 6/7/09

Researchers from Cleveland State University, for a recent journal article, assessed the physical traits of 195 female characters from the first 20 James Bond films, revealing that more were brunette than blond and that at least 90 percent were young, slim and of above-average looks.

working on titles.....

The bride and I are considering co-authoring a book on home renovation. Here are the two titles we're mulling over: Renovating on a Budget and Home Remodeling: Divorce Might Be Simpler.

I wish I was different, I really do. I don't have a lot of patience when it comes to doing some things. I want to do things right the first time, check them off my list, then move on to the next thing. When I "allow" myself an hour to do a project and it ends up taking 4 hours, I'm not the most pleasant person to be around. (I know, I know, you find that hard to believe, but it's true!)

I'll have to admit that the bride has done all the scheduling for the renovation, from the wood floor installation to the cabinet refinishing and everything in between. And she's also done almost all the painting. We spent this past weekend getting ready for the flooring guys to come on Monday. By the time Sunday evening came around, I think she was ready for me to go back to work. We took out countertops, painted, switched out electrical outlets and switches, moved things into the master bedroom and upstairs hallway, and had a couple of light fixtures installed. An hour or so of silence was observed at one point during the afternoon on Sunday. I think the bride was meditating. Or plotting my demise. One of the two. I'm still not sure, and I don't think I really want to know.

We keep telling ourselves it'll all be worth it when it's over. Talk to us when it actually is over, and we'll let you know.....

air hockey, suicides and couples skates.....

Last Friday morning, I was sitting at my desk working on a quarterly report. My regular internet radio station was having connection issues, so I was listening to an iTunes radio station that played hits from the 70's.

I heard the flutes from the opening notes of Oliva Newton John's "Have You Never Been Mellow", and I was no longer at my desk. Or in 2009 for that matter. In my mind, just as vivid as could be, I was in Kingsport at Skate Inn, 1975.

I usually had three things I wanted to accomplish whenever I went to Skate Inn: I wanted to play air hockey; I wanted a suicide (all their Pepsi products mixed into one cup); and I wanted to have a couples skate with a cute girl. I was usually 2 out of 3, with the third one being left undone.

The song ended and I was back in 2009 staring at a computer screen.....

it's just a prototype.....

We usually use a picture from summer vacation for our Christmas card. Here's one we're considering for this year.....

there's stress, and then there's stress.....

KCTV Kansas City - 5/20/09

Marcella Rivera said the last she heard was that her soldier-husband, William Rivera, would try to reconcile with her and their five children when he got back from Iraq, but then her mother saw a TV program on returning soldiers that showed William being married to another woman. Marcella pressed a bigamy charge in Independence, Mo., but prosecutors dropped it in May after William convinced them that "post-traumatic stress disorder" suffered in Iraq had made him forget that he was married.

still not acclimated.....

Yesterday was tough. Stacks of mail. Voice mails. Having to wear pants.

We had a great week in East Tennessee. We stayed at the L & G Bed 'n Breakfast, and it was wonderful as always. Here are some take-aways from the week:

• Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg continue to grow.
• I still can't ride roller coasters without feeling like I need to puke for several hours afterward.
• My golf game goes from brilliant to terrible from one hole to the next.
• I brought back some of the wonderful food I ate in the form of a larger waistline.
  
• The bride and the girls could never live where they went on Friday. Too quiet.
  
• Cousins are good people to have around.

Time to have the house torn apart by people who say they know what they're doing. Better them than me.....