funny but ridiculous.....

Joel McHale's Hot Scoop on Poop

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happy birthday, dad.....

July 4, 2009

gee, look at the time, i should be going.....

The Times (London) - 5/19/09

About 20 men were present for a Belgian body builders' championship in May when three anti-doping officials arrived unexpectedly and requested urine samples. Every single contestant abruptly grabbed his gear and fled, according to press reports, and the event was canceled.

dangerous formula.....

Diet Mountain Dew (in a sippee cup)

plus

birthday cupcakes

plus

ice cream

and

cookies

gets you this:

yeah, well, that makes sense.....

Kansas City Star - 6/24/09

A woman in Kansas City, Mo., told police in June that the reason she had stabbed her sleepwalking 24-year-old boyfriend in the face was that she feared he would hurt her if she didn't wake him up. (She said the man had also just finished urinating in her closet.)

good grief.....

I've always been a "Peanuts" fan. I loved all the characters and their personalities. And though Charlie Brown was a blockhead, I always rooted for him. The one character trait that ol' Charlie Brown possessed that drove me crazy was his tendency to be wishy-washy. But since the guy just never seemed to have anything go his way, I understood his wishy-washiness. I didn't forgive it, I just understood it.

While driving to lunch yesterday, I heard Dan Patrick say that Brett Favre would come out of retirement and sign with the Minnesota Vikings on Tuesday for somewhere between $10 and $12 million. Brett Favre retires and "unretires" more often than I change my underwear.

I used to love to watch Favre play football for the Packers. He took risks. Sure, he threw almost as many interceptions as he did touchdowns, but his touchdown passes were so exciting that you forgot about the interceptions.

Maybe his misses the competition. Maybe he needs the money. Or maybe he just doesn't want to go to training camp like a "regular" NFL player. But one thing's for sure - Brett Favre's wishy-washiness sure has made him look like a blockhead.....

rookies to the rescue.....

All three of the Titans' touchdowns were scored by rookies on Saturday night. Kenny Britt is going to be a great receiver. Javon Ringer could possibly put Lendale out of a job. And Ryan Mouton will be a solid addition to the defensive backfield. Even VY looked pretty good, except for the lapse of judgment when he tried to lateral the ball on a botched snap. Not smart at all.

Oh, yeah, just 19 days until UT kicks off its season.....

yeah, regis, that ain't gonna' happen.....

I saw something on Yahoo yesterday about the Gosselin family, you know, the "Jon and Kate Plus 8" people. In an interview on "Regis and Kelly", Regis told Kate Gosselin that he feels Jon will come back home and that she and Jon will eventually get remarried.

Since it started, I refused to watch this cute little show called "Jon and Kate Plus 8". The bride and the girls simply adored it. But I just couldn't bring myself to watch it because Jon never looked the least bit happy. Not because of the kids, but because of his wife. Now, I'm not advocating his actions, and I'm not saying he wasn't partly to blame for the break-up. But this man couldn't stand his life then. Why in the world would anybody think he would go back? Especially now, after all that's happened. Does anyone believe she wouldn't hold that over his head and make his life even more miserable?

Regis, you're a wonderful talk show/game show host, but predicting the future just ain't your bag.....

before and after.....

Before















After

important warning.....

Viruses and worms are unfortunately prominent on the Internet these days, so whenever I see useful information about potentially harmful emails I like to pass them along to my friends. I received this one from Chris this morning. I only hope you've not opened this one yet:

INTERNET WARNING:

If you get an email titled "Nude photo of Nancy Pelosi," don't open it....

It contains a nude photo of Nancy Pelosi.


You're welcome.....

aaaaahhhhhhhh.....

Yes. Football is back.

I know it was just a pre-season game, but it was real, live football. I've missed football so much that I'd started watching college replays and even Canadian football. Yeah, I may have a problem.

The Titans' first-team offense seemed to move the ball well. The trick play was great! Chris Johnson looked good, as did both Lendale and Ringer. Note to VY - before you enshrine yourself in the Hall of Fame, be sure you know how to throw 4-yard routes to your running backs. I'm just sayin'.

The Vols play in less than 4 weeks. I can't wait.....

that'll teach him.....

Akron, Ohio - July 2000

A 10-year-old boy, trying to avoid leaf-raking chores by hiding underneath them, was hospitalized when his mother accidentally drove over the leaves.

this is what 9 years looks like.....

First days of school. 2000 and 2009.

OK, technically, yesterday wasn't Sara's first day of school at Centennial. But I'm going to count freshman orientation as a first day.....

(not) leaving on a jet plane.....

Daily Mail - London - 6/23/09

The British charter airline Thomas Cook announced at the gate in the resort island of Mallorca in June that, regardless of seat assignments on a departing flight, passengers should sit toward the rear of the aircraft in order to balance the load (since it was already front-heavy with cargo and therefore harder on the pilot). Not surprisingly, 71 apprehensive passengers refused to board. (Also, some incoming passengers on that same aircraft, which experienced a similar balance problem, had dramatically dropped to their knees in the terminal, kissing the ground, calling the flight their worst ever.)

let leroy motivise you.....

According to the website, getyourbasketballon.com, Leroy Smith is the man who inspired Michael Jordan to greatness. Since I need a little motivising every now and then, I decided to become one of Leroy's fans on Facebook. By doing this, I receive daily inspirational messages from Mr. Smith.

Here are a few of them from the past week or so. I hope they mean as much to you as they do me:

Just did 3 hours of Capoeira in a sauna, while wearing a ski hat and eight down comforters wrapped around me. Then invented my own form of martial arts called, "Feng-tasma" which is a mix of French traditional fencing and Bocce ball.

The only real failures in life are those who fail. Don't be those people. They suck.

Morning workout. Got up at 3:26 am, ran 43 miles wearing one broken flip-flop, in the sand with a small red wagon filled with cinder blocks and scrap metal strapped to my neck. Then put on a medieval suit of armor and a 600lb weight vest, rented a hang-glider and jumped off a cliff to test nerves. Now having a banana smoothie.

Teamwork is key. No one can whistle a symphony. It takes an orchestra to play it. That is unless you've taken years and years of whistling training and devoted yourself to the art. Then you could probably whistle it just fine and you should ignore this advice and keep up your magnificent symphonic whistling.

Steps to motivational skydiving. 1) Jump out of plane without chute. 2) Find another skydiver with a chute to latch onto. You will be very motivized to do so. 3) Do not die.

Never try and motivize a mime to talk but there's nothing wrong with teaching a monk how to juggle.

i guess there are different kinds of luxury.....

When you hear the word "luxurious", what's the first thing that pops into your mind? And expensive house or car? A resort vacation? Perhaps elegant dining? All that comes in a distance second for me now after seeing the commercial for Quilted Northern Ultra Plush toilet paper.

According to their commercial, Quilted Northern Ultra Plush will deliver a luxurious experience to consumers during every trip to the bathroom. Really? Luxurious? I've got to be honest, luxury is probably the last thing I'm thinking about whenever I use toilet paper.

Hope I can wipe this image of luxury from my mind really soon.....