things that zap my Christmas spirit.....

With the cold weather here, I’m starting to get more into the Christmas season. Both trees are up as well as the outside lights. I listen to Christmas music all day courtesy of 92.9 in Nashville. But there are things that tend to get me out of the Christmas spirit really fast. Here are a few:

Any Christmas song by Celine Dion or Michael Bolton – Sorry if you’re a fan of either singer, but they both get on my nerves for different reasons. With Celine, it’s because I can’t stand to watch her perform. Any time I hear her voice, I picture her singing and I can’t turn the radio off fast enough. And I’d rather hear strange noises coming from a fat man in an adjacent men’s room stall than to have to listen to Michael Bolton sing anything.

People who brag about how much they’re spending on Christmas gifts – OK, I get it. You love your friends and family more than anyone else. You win.

Drivers that do 55 in a 70 whenever they see a state trooper that’s pulled over another driver – Come on, people. It’s not like you’re going to get extra credit for when you get caught speeding one day. I got stuck behind a lady who did this yesterday. Slowed down traffic like you wouldn't believe. May her stocking be filled with Michael Bolton CDs.

Corporate text messages – Somehow I got put on a list to receive a text messages that encourage me to visit T-Pain’s web site, his myspace page, and to buy his music. Joy.

Emails encouraging me to order special blue pills – I still think the bride put me on this distribution list. She says she didn’t, but she can be pretty sneaky at times……

not sure how to do this.....

Every year we try to come up with a good Christmas present for my grandmother. At 87, there’s not much that she wants or even needs. She lives alone but stays on the go with various trips during the week to the grocery store, church, the post office and Wal Mart.

We decided to buy her a digital picture frame. She doesn’t have a computer so we can’t send her the latest family pictures via email. We figured we’d get the frame and a couple of memory cards. Whenever we took new shots, we thought we’d load them onto a card and mail it to my parents. That way they could put the new card in for Mamaw and mail the old one back to us. Perfect gift.

So I got it out last night and loaded some pictures. Folks, there’s a reason why there are different prices on these digital frames. The more they cost, the better resolution on the screen. I bought what I thought was a mid-range frame. Some of the pictures made the people on screen look like they were missing teeth or an eye. Some looked like we had leprosy. I could actually draw better. After playing with it for about an hour, I decided to take it back. But there may be a problem with returning it.

I picked the frame up at Target during lunch on Monday. When I got back to the office I looked at the receipt. The cashier didn’t charge me for it. So how do you return something that you never paid for? Will they accuse me of shoplifting? Will they look at me like I’ve got three eyes when I tell them I never paid for the item I’m returning?

If you see my cell number show up on your phone, I could be calling for bail money…..

why beach vacations make more sense.....

Daily Mail (London) - 9/13/08

In the village of Pumaorcco, Peru, in September, a bus containing 14 British sightseers on holiday was held hostage for five hours by 50 natives wielding pickaxes and metal bars, who mistook them for personnel from a mining company that they believed were exploiting their land. The Peruvian guide finally negotiated their freedom but had to call for another bus, since the villagers completely destroyed the original.

back to reality.....

It was great being off work for a week. I got a few things done and I was able to get caught up on some rest.

The food was great all week long. I've now decided it's easier to just buy bigger pants rather than starve myself.

Good to see the Vols win out. The scenes of Fulmer after the game were stirring. Now on to the Kiffin era of football.

I'm dying to post a picture of the bride giving me a look with which I'm very familiar. But I'll use better judgment and just show you one of the girls from the weekend in Johnson City.....

what i did on my first day of vacation.....

ready for this one.....

So today's my last day in the office until the Monday after Thanksgiving. I've really been looking forward to the time off.

Ever notice that everything happens right before you plan to take a week off? It's been one of those weeks. I went to bed last night with so much on my mind, things I knew I had to get done before leaving. I woke up early, couldn't go back to sleep, and ended up coming in about 2 hours early. It wasn't all bad. The interstates were clear and light snow was falling. Looked great in the headlights.

I think I'll be ready for this vacation at the end of the day.....

city government at work.....

Austin American-Statesman - 10/8/08

Residents of an Austin, Texas, neighborhood undergoing a federally mandated sewer replacement noticed that, for several weeks starting in September, the work crews would spend the first three hours of their 12-hour days digging a huge hole in the street, and the last three hours re-filling and paving over it (repeating the process each day). The 20-by-20-by-20-foot hole in Monroe Street was too big to be covered with metal plates, and the city's "policy" of minimal traffic disruption required repaving for nighttime use, at least doubling the cost of the work.

different format, same thing.....

Christmas is just a few weeks away, and that means we get an updated Christmas gift list from Sara at least weekly. She'll usually come into whatever room the bride and I are in, smiling from ear to ear, and hand it to us without saying a word. Then it goes up on the refrigerator.

The list isn't your standard list. It's just pictures of the things she wants that she's downloaded from Safari and pasted in Word. A digital camera. Some green Chuck Taylors. And a few other things I can't remember.

I guess she comes by this naturally. I did the same thing growing up. Except without the use of a computer. I remember taking notebook paper, a pencil, the JC Penney and Sears catalogs, and laying in the floor to make out my list. (I remember asking for an OJ Simpson poster one year. Who knew back then, huh?) I knew about what Santa's budget was, so I was sure to stay under that amount. And to help him out even more, I figured the tax and wrote the full price out on my list. Just doing my part to speed things up, that's all.

The things our kids inherit from us.....

someday to today.....

A few months ago, our church did a series based on the song "Live Like You Were Dying". Michael Neale, our worship arts pastor, co-wrote a song during that time called "Someday". I won't be surprised if it's on the radio sometime soon. Great song.

The intro to the song begins at 28:40, and the song starts at about 29:18 when you click on the 11-16-08 video right here.....

they just keep going and going and going.....

I just about gave up on the Titans at halftime. Their defense almost looked confused. Their offense was practically non-existent. And their play-calling was horrendous.

But they came to life during the last 30 minutes of the game. And they looked like an undefeated team was supposed to look.

One of the things that makes this team so good is their ability to make adjustments at halftime. That's a major component of a winner.

Looking forward to Bret and the Jets this weekend.....

just a reminder.....

41 days until Christmas.....

the other, other, other white meat.....

Chicago Tribune - 10/15/08

In September, despite an increasing chorus of complaints, Peruvians celebrated the annual Gastronomic Festival of the Cat in a village just south of Lima, serving a variety of feline delicacies (fried cat strips, cat stew, grilled cat with spicy huacatay). For the most part, according to a Chicago Tribune report, the dishes are made with specially bred cats rather than street prowlers, and are consumed for their health benefits, though centuries-old tradition is the likeliest explanation. Said one Peruvian, such cultural events "are our roots and can't be forgotten."

in case you ever want to feel really dumb.....

As we were finishing dinner the other night, the bride told me that Sara needed me to go over her math homework. My entire body clinched. Algebra.

Math always came pretty easy to me, at least the basic stuff. And I liked it. Then algebra came along and the love affair ended.

So Sara brought her 50 problems to me. I asked for the book. She said that they don't have a book. Great, budget cuts prevent books in the classroom. She did, however, have a "rule sheet" for the different types of equations. There were about 6 problems that were, I guess you could call them, hybrids. They didn't fit into any of the rule boxes. I felt as helpless as Carl "Sling Blade" Childers trying to eat french fried taters without mustard. With no math book, we went to the Internet. After about 20 minutes, we found the rule and finished the problems.

Wonder if Sara would mind me going to math class with her so I could be better prepared to help her with homework.....

see, this kind of thing doesn't just happen in the south.....

Post Crescent (Appleton, WI) - 9/24/08

A 38-year-old man was cited for disorderly conduct in Fond du Lac, Wis., in September after he bought a beer for his sons, ages 2 and 4, at the county fair. He could not be cited for providing alcohol to minors because, under Wisconsin law, parents are exempt, but he was written up for swearing at police.

so this is what the absolute bottom looks like.....

I never thought I'd see a Tennessee team with 7 losses in my lifetime. I may see a 9-loss Tennessee team this year. You know you're in trouble when your best player is your punter. I hate to say it, but this may very well be the worst Tennessee team ever assembled.

I can't believe I'm dreading the Vanderbilt and Kentucky games.....

i feel violated.....

According to Section 1702 of the Postal Code, it's a federal offense to open mail that belongs to someone else. Don't believe me? Here it is:

Sec. 1702. - Obstruction of correspondence

Whoever takes any letter, postal card, or package out of any post office or any authorized depository for mail matter, or from any letter or mail carrier, or which has been in any post office or authorized depository, or in the custody of any letter or mail carrier, before it has been delivered to the person to whom it was directed, with design to obstruct the correspondence, or to pry into the business or secrets of another, or opens, secretes, embezzles, or destroys the same, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than five years, or both.

Wednesday I received a piece of correspondence that contained an offer for a free pair of panties from Victoria's Secret. The bride opened it. She already had one of her own but, no, one wasn't enough. She had to take mine, too. She's selfish like that sometimes.

She brought the card to me. It had a scantily clad woman on the front. She said, "Who would carry something like this around?" I took it, looked at it, and put it in my pocket, proving that someone might keep such an object on their person. Flame shot from her eyes, puffs of steam poured from her ears. "GIVE THAT BACK TO ME RIGHT NOW!" Because I like walking without a limp I quickly handed it over.

How did she know that I wasn't going to take that card to Victoria's place and bring back a surprise for her? Why would she assume that I wouldn't want to do something like that?

I'm mad and I don't know what I'm going to do about it. No, I won't have her imprisoned because the girls need a mother. But I can tell you this much - she won't ever get another leopard-print article of clothing from me again.....

do-over.....

One of my employees told me a story about her drive into work on Monday. She thought her daughter had an ear infection so she was going to bring her into work, get a few things done there, then take her to see the pediatrician later that morning. Here's how the conversation in the car went:

Daughter: "Mommy, my tummy hurts."

Mom: "It's because you haven't eaten. We'll get some breakfast when we get to work."

Daughter: "No, Mommy, it really hurts. I don't feel good."

Mom: "You're just going to have to be a big girl and wait until we get to Mommy's work."

Suddenly Barfzilla showed up. In a big way. Twice.

Daughter: "See, I told you I didn't feel good!"

On the way home, they stopped at Publix and the daughter threw up again. This mom wanted a do-over for her day.....

things to do today if your candidate didn't win last night.....

a. Spray paint "(candidate's name) Rulz Anywayz!" on the nearest bridge, overpass or water tower

b. Forward the latest unconfirmed, scathing email about the winning candidate to everyone in your address book without verifying its validity

c. Pray for the new guy in charge and trust God to take care of the stuff over which you only think you have control

it's for the best, but emotions are mixed.....

I got an email from Dad around 10:00 yesterday morning. ESPN was reporting that Phillip Fulmer would step down as Tennessee's head coach Monday afternoon. For the next hour or so, other emails and text messages from friends followed.

I listened to the press conference on my way home. I truly felt for Coach Fulmer. Here's a guy who invested a good portion of his life to the University of Tennessee. This isn't going to be an easy transition for him. He hinted that his coaching career may not be over, but it sure would seem odd to see him on another sidelines.

Do I think this is a good move? Absolutely. Do I wish Coach Fulmer had been able to win another national championship and then retire? Yeah, I do. But that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. The program needs new direction. Now Mike Hamilton has a huge task ahead of him. He needs to find the next "Bruce Pearl" for the football program.

Thanks for the great ride, Coach.....

sorry about that.....

The explosion you heard Saturday night around 7:00 came from my house. It was right after Fulmer put Crompton in at quarterback. The bride called me down right after I screamed. If Fulmer's trying to get fired, it appears to be working.

I won't say UT has hit a new low because the season's not over yet. That could happen with either Wyoming, Vanderbilt or Kentucky.

I turned the game off and went downstairs after Crompton's first series. Yeah, I checked in on it every now and then. But that's the first time in years that I've walked away from watching a UT game.

At least the Titans stayed undefeated. It wasn't a thing of beauty, but it was a win. The problem with the Vols is that it's not only ugly, it's almost always a loss.....